Being able to speak is do positive

[Breadandroses]

Hi
I was very brave a long time ago and left abuse behind. I had do much help from the police and Women’s Aid.

But my mental health collapsed and I am seeing a counsellor.
I have been terrified of giving details to him incase it triggers me.
My counsellor asked me how I had got through it and I said the police and Women’s Aid. He also asked me why I kept quiet about it at the time. I said I don t remember
He said can you go back to womens aid regarding an qissue I had re my daughter dealing with her father.
I did. And they gave me this site. I was scared it would trigger me.
But I have written on here and asked my question. But you know what all of a sudden I feel like oh my god. Yes it happened and I can say it did. I remember my support worker coming to my house now and talking with me whilst I manically cleaned my kitchen. I remember that feeling of oh my god she believes me and she knows. She used to say things or ask me questions and I would be like how did you know that?
I am actually feeling again like yes that happened to me but I was strong and I left and then I went through it all again in the divorce snd through the courts. Yes there have been quiet times but now I have to be strong again for my daughter as she is actually realising who her father is as an adult. But I can do this. I can be there for her.
But only here and in this space can I say without fear of judgement. I was abused, I was raped I was beaten but actually I am so strong because I am still after all this time supporting and helping my daughter
I feel like I can breath again.
To answer his question Why dud I stay quiet… fear and shame and disbelief and shock and because I was made to feel helpless and crazy.
I was starting to feel that again panicking over my daughters realisations.
But …Don t know if you swear on here…f*** it. I have come this far and done so much with my life since. I can do this x*x

[Anonymous]

So lovely to read your new positive outlook on yourself and you are right you are strong, I’m sure this message gives many hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel x

[Author]

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