Being asked out

[itwillbeokay]

Somebody at my work (new work) has asked me if they can take me out. They said no pressure, I like you and would like to but if you don’t want to that’s totally fine. He seems nice enough but I do not know what to do with this, how to feel, what to say or what to do. I was with my husband for so long I can’t imagine anything else although we have been separated since (detail removed by moderator) but things are difficult plus I have two very young children. I would also worry what people might say and what work would think. It all just feels very alien and scary.

xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi

This is a hard one for us on so many levels.

On a personal level I don’t mix business with pleasure but that is your chose.

There is no rush on having another relationship and do not feel pressured by society to do anything your not ready for.

If you want go out for coffee and have a chat.

All the best

FS x

[fizzylem]

It depends whether you like him, ‘he seems nice enough’, sounds a bit like you’ve been asked and that feels nice so maybe I should roll with it. For me, going on a date would feel more like a place we both reached, after having developed feelings, a natural next thing to do. Not hearing that in your post, sounds more like ‘oh he likes me’, not I really like this chap and he’s asked me out. He’s choosing you but would you choose him if he hadn’t asked you?

Worrying about what others might say may also be an indiactor that you’re not quite ready?

We need to feel pretty confident that we can spot the red flags and know for sure that we won’t settle for anything less than ‘feeling right’ when dating someone, which also means when something doesn’t feel quite right that you know you will act – meaning you know you will always protect yourself, because you won’t ever ignore or glaze over it, feel compromised or unsure. It usually starts with a feeling doesn’t it, so when this happens you need to be able to workout why it is I feel the way I do, does this belong to me and my past or is it something about him that leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

I feel it’s really important to have a strong sense of self and the abilty to process our emotions before dating anyone, then you have done all you can to set yourself for it, got yourself into the best place possible for it, which also creates a better chance for success.

[Twisted Sister]

Dear Itwillbeok

I agree, this is from his side, from what you’ve said, that you currently haven’t developed any feelings for him, and neither should you have to.

Go, with your radar on, if you so think you feel ready enough to see if anytjing could come of it, but equally if you don’t feel ready listen to yourself.

Warmest wishes ys

[Author]

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