Being blamed

[Put the kettle on]

My ex is blaming me for all sort of things I haven’t done but people are believing him, people in authority. I try to defend myself but no matter what he’s believed and I’m blamed.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, how and why aren’t others recognising his behaviour as abusive. It fills me with self doubt.
I’m trying to go no contact but I’m being pushed into it (child together)
I just don’t know what to do

[KIP.]

Use a third party for contact and the people in authority need to be educated. Do you have an advocacy worker from women’s aid helping you?

[Put the kettle on]

I’m pushing for a third party but my request isn’t being accepted as reasonable. No i don’t have an advocacy worker from women’s aid

[Eyesopening]

Hi Put the Kettle on,
I don’t have much advice but I understand.
It’s so hard when people don’t understand and they gaslight us further. It’s such a complicated subject, it took me a long time to learn all about abuse! So I’m not surprised many people just don’t realize.
One of my best friends has for a long time told me, ‘oh just ignore him’, or ‘he was just angry’ etc.
Sometimes the only place I find truth is this forum.
I need to come on everyday to re-configure my brain.
Good luck xx

[Put the kettle on]

Thanks for the reply, yes I too have been told to just ignore him. If only!! It’s hard to ignore someone who’s determined to stay present in your life negatively. I think there needs to be so much more education around domestic abuse

[Anonymous]

I’m going through a similar situation. Gaslighting is awful. I found that my head has been clearer since I’ve done children’s hand overs through a third party. It doesn’t have to be someone assigned, could he a friend or family member. Could parents help if they live close by?

[Eggshells]

Hi Put the kettle on,

Please call your local DV charity. You will be able to find them here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Explain the problems you are having. Charities all vary in what they can offer but most will advocate for you and validate that you are the abused one to the authorities.

[Put the kettle on]

Thanks for your replies. The gaslighting is so awful and ongoing. I am looking into what other options are available. I get frustrated because whatever I do/,say is wrong or not enough bit people lap up everything he says. He’s a very good manipulator and gaslighter. I feel for our child being exposed to such a toxic influence

[Author]

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