Biting Back

[keepmovingfoward]

I couldn’t decide where this fitted best, but the way today left me feeling, it felt more appropiate to pop it here.

after months of third party contact perstering me for collecting random keepsakes, and hi how are you updates. Me blocking the third parties and then He himself the abuser sending me a 4 page letter by recorded delivery with his new address on (silly fool shooting himself in the foot gives me somewhere to send the divorce papers)
my CBT councillor informed me i should update my SS caseworker of the contact although my case is closed, i emailed her last week to update her. this week she responded to say she no longer worked in the department and i should inform M.A.S.H. So i Call them, and they were brill on the phone. took all the info, i emailled over a scan of the letter. they told me i should also log it with the police as harassment.
im like, ok, i hadn’t really noted the severity of it before, nor had i realised that unwanted contact when i had explicitly requested that he cease contact with me could be reported regardless of how little.
so call two, I spoke to a lovely local police operator, she talked me through loads of stuff over the phone. the next thing i know she telling me an officer will also visit me. I’m thinking blimey. how serious is this.
the police officer who visits actually sits and reads the letter, identifies coercive control, expresses concern of repeated references to the children (not his- my abuser already under investigation for other charges i cant go into) the closing comments were my abuser is likely to get a phone call or a visit form his local constabulary.

im like blimey. ive sat here for months, literally fearful of the postman or him randomly walking through my front door (he writes in his letter like hes done nothing wrong and everyone else in my life is to blame and want marriage councilling) to now feeling like i have finally been able to take so action against him and make myself feel safe and secure!! Today i feel liberated and feel free from fear of him!

[KIP.]

Well done you! There is loads of help out there. We deserve peace in our life and at long last the law is beginning to realise that. Stay alert and report every incident x

[keepmovingfoward]

Thanks KIP I am doing, I also discussed legal aid with MASH, I’m a low income, self employed single parent, the investigation that led to the seperation of me from my abuser has massive safeguarding issues attached to it. she said i shouldn’t have any issues proving sufficient risk from the social services report and should be able to easily qualify for legal aid. which is another huge weight lifted of my shoulders, as i know my abusers last divorce took (detail removed by moderator). money and time neither me or my mental health can afford.

[Serenity]

Hi there,

It’s wonderful to hem you receive support and validation like that. You feel like you could achieve anything!

Which is why it is important to keep fighting for people and institutions to recognise abuse and develop ways of supporting the victim (survivor).

I am so glad for you x

[keepmovingfoward]

I’ve spoken to the police officer again today, the plan of action was to keep a record of the contact as some time has lapsed since the contact and nothing since (other than third party contact i might add) but obviously at this point im concerned raising awareness of me reporting his harassment might provoke him. i am scared of him, although he never actually laid a violent finger on me. I am aware he can be, he is strong and much heavier and taller than me. he also has an air rifle although its not a deadly weapon it would bruise a person, certainly damage property or kill my pets.
so i’d rather let sleeping dogs lie for now, and continue with my no contact stance. if he then chooses to contact me again either by letter or in person then i have a growing record of harassment with will only assist my case in court.
i then cant be accused of provoking him (my words not the police officers – i know how my abuser thinks) I basically want my abuser to but himself a case up against himself. the chances of him actually getting a jail term for the thing hes under investigation for is unlikely, he’s more likely to get a sentance for domestic violence. so if he continues to provide evidence, i’m going to let him keep building his own case now.
The police officer stated if he decided to turn up to my property because i’ve lodged a complaint of harrassment a 999 would be treated seriously and that to me gives me faith that i have at least some protection against him.

[Author]

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