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It’s a very complicated situation and I could write a whole essay.
He is blackmailing me saying if I ignore him he will retaliate more and more. He messaged my best friend and a friend I live with (timeframe removed by Moderator) telling them I sl*g them off behind their backs, I’ve said this and that and has twisted things. He then asked me days later to ring (detail removed by Moderator). I didn’t want to do him any favours after what he’s put me through over the past (number removed by Moderator) years and after going out of his way to hurt me and people I care about (timeframe removed by Moderator).. but I did. He is very ‘jekyl and hyde’ he switches from nasty to nice. So after doing this he emailed me (timeframe removed by Moderator) to ask if I’m free for food and a talk which I didn’t respond to. I find it bizarre that he would expect me to do that. He would send me hours of nasty messages and then send private pictures. I don’t understand it. Anyway I’ve then received another email to say the more I ignore him the more he will retaliate. Family and friends are telling me to block him but I’m worried what will happen if I do and I’m afraid to report him to the police. He is blocked on social media so he emails.
If I don’t do what he wants I get more abuse. He sees things completely differently to how it is. He has been emotionally blackmailing me over his son who I had an amazing bond with, he has been controlling since the beginning ((number removed by Moderator) years ago) It’s been emotional and mental abuse, I’ve been signposted to therapy and DA groups. I’m on antidepressants because of him. He is always accusing me of things/making me promise I haven’t spoke to any other men etc. He’s told me recently he has early stages of cancer and I said I would support him, but because of the daily abuse I get I have found that really difficult to do, which has lead to more abusive messages. I can understand why he would feel let down but he doesn’t see his actions that lead to the way I am trying to deal with things. How do I support my own abuser?!
I don’t know what to do.
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You did well to get that into so few words and it sounds oh so familiar 🫣
Having been there, my advice is to continue to keep your distance whether possible, if you share children then communicate only about them, anything else is off the table!
I’m pretty sure you’ll be vilified no matter what you do and I also expect that you’ll have been spoken badly about long before the threats.
Listen to the family and friends that tell you to block and resist every urge to break that.
If you don’t share children then 💯 no contact is the way to go, he will weaponise his son and that’s another form of abuse.
I had to walk away from step children and a number of grandchildren after a very long physically and mentally abusive relationship just to ensure that the grand children were not used as pawns, it broke my heart at the time but spared them a whole lot more grief than if I’d stayed in contact.
I also looked after him through illness mostly fake but some pretty serious too and the thanks I got was scars I see every day.
You’ve done your bit, it’s time to support you 💜
Stay strong and take good care 💜
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