blamed for abuse

[smallbutbrave]

The abuse I am facing right now is off the scale.

He is always telling me the abuse is my fault, his anger towards me
is my fault, I am to blame for all the things that have gone wrong in his life, I am the reason he wants to kill himself, EVERYTHING is my fault. He thibks he is a saint, he assulted me in public (detail removed by Moderator) and still it is my fault.

I was just wondering, has anyone else gone or going through something like this? If so, how do you deal with it? What do you say, do you react at all?

I feel like I am trapped in a tiny cage with a massivr dark cloud over me

[Watersprite]

Hi smallbutbrave yes I have several years ago now. I left but with support from agencies. I left in secret. Reacting to him would have been dangerous – perhaps it is the same for you? I never thought I could do it either it’s been so hard but years on life is so good. You are trapped in a cage I get that but there is always a way out maybe the first step is telling someone really safe – call women’s aid if you can safely. There is hope but please safety first x

[Cloudy]

This is very similar to what I’ve been going through for the past few years – getting blamed for everything that’s going wrong and being called the abuser. I used to get extremely upset about this, and it is still messing with my head now. Unfortunately I’m still in the relationship, he is not being as blatant as he used to be, but still makes under-handed comments and digs of this nature. I seem to have found a way to shut off my emotions and not react, probably not very healthy, but it’s helping me in the short term.

Now you’re aware he’s doing this and that it actually IS NOT your fault, I hope you (as I am) are on the road to getting out of this abusive relationship.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this, it’s so so awful, stay strong and try your best to focus on getting out xx

[Hereforhelp]

Yes everything was my fault, or our children’s or anyone else other than HIM accepting he had done X Y or Z… these men do not take responsibility and in my experience I stopped trying to make him understand this.. I would secretly record some of these blame conversations with my ex husband… when I listened back I could hear the blame, word salads, fake victim then anger again at me.

It isn’t you, your fault or anything you specifically have done. This is all him.

Were there any witnessed when he assaulted you? I am so sad that you are going through this, it is soul destroying… He chooses to behave like this. It is very wearing, it wore my MH down to the point I could barely function, let alone make a decision.

Keep reaching out
HFH ❤️

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