Boundaries

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angels,
I wanted to share an experience I had this week with you.
I connected with a man through online dating. We text for a bit over a day and then the next day spoke on the phone, he seemed like a lovely man, interesting, able to have a conversation, I didn’t sense any red flags.
After the conversation we continued to text, I kept everything general and light.
Then that evening just 24 hours after we had connected he sent me a photo of him in the bath… now don’t get exited, all I could see was his legs downwards!
However, I knew this was him testing the water (excuse the pun)
This made me feel uncomfortable straight away and I text back and told him I did not feel comfortable with him sending me that photo, he text back … Really.OK.Sorry!
I did not hear from him after that.
My point is that men will get what they want for the lowest and easiest price. Don’t get me wrong I am not hating on all men, but this is a great example that this guy was trying to get as much from me sexually as he could without even leaving his bath tub! If he could have got away with it he would have and not have even bought me a cup of coffee or known my last name before he got something sexual from me.
If they don’t have to put the effort in to get something, why would they?
Ladies, men only get what they want from us when we allow it or give it to them so easily. Set your requirements and standards and have boundaries.
I know we might believe they are the one, but if they behave like this, they are certainly not.
In the past I have given myself to easily and this has only led to the man believing he doesn’t have to do that much, or show me that much respect and I will still be there for him, because I have been.
Know your worth and stick to it. A man needs to put down a large ‘payment’ to get the amazing reward, which is you.
Sending you all love and support
Darcy xx

[gettingtired]

That is absolutely disgusting. How many men have actually learnt anything whatsoever from what’s been such a big topic online and in the media lately? Where is the respect?
I agree Darcy that we should show our worth but these men need to stop treating women like sexual objects. I know there are good men out there but when virtually every single woman you know has experienced some form of sexual harassment, assault or been made to feel uncomfortable like you did then it just goes to show it is a huge problem in our society. I’m sorry you had to experience that. It is so disgusting to me that someone would think it’s ok to do this after just having a general light chat when they’re first getting to know someone. Then to just not bother with you after that because you’re not playing into his creepy game. No doubt he’s onto the next trying the same thing. Sorry I can’t help but get annoyed by this behaviour. I’ve no doubt you will find someone who deserves to be with you eventually but it’s wrong you have to experience that along the way. x*x

[Darcy]

Thank you for your support my Angel, gettingtired …
unfortunately these men do not know better and it is our job now as woman to stand together and raise the standards of what we expect. We have to be the leaders and teach and educate these men by saying no to bad behaviour until they get the message … they can not just get what they want by paying us one compliment or by giving us a cheeky smile. We must say we want to be respected and valued for who we are.
You are right I guess he will just move onto the next woman, but if she pulls him up for his bad behaviour and the woman after that and so on does, hopefully, eventually he will improve and better his way towards woman. We have stayed quiet and submisive for to long … but we do have the power to change and make a better safer life for us all xx

[Darcy]

I think what I am trying to say in a nut shell is,
its easy for men to push our boundaries when we have not even set them out for ourselves first

[Scapegoat]

It’s their whole opinion of women and our society supports it. Get married- woman takes mans name. Even in the vows – I now pronounce you man and wife …man gets to stay as man woman becomes wife, status to man. Men and women in same jobs, a lot of woman get paid less. Who should look after the kids, shopping, cooking, cleaning? Women.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not a feminist by any stretch or the imagination. My oh insists women are the weaker sex.If I don’t give him sex he thinks he is entitled to go elsewhere and get it as I’m failing in my duty as a wife. He is so arrogant he will say things like, take a photo of this and send it to your friends, ask them if they want a real man in bed come on round. It’s repulsive that he thinks he’s this sex symbol, makes me want to vomit. Now I earn more than him , he hates it and gives me constant grief about it. No matter what boundary I set, as I finally realised it’s my life and I’m a person he bulldozes over and takes no notice of. If I complain it causes a huge row with me coming off worse. Quite frankly I wish he’d get abducted by aliens and left on another planet.

So sorry this bloke turned out (detail removed by Moderator) When I finally get away ( I have to live in hope) I won’t ever go near another bloke as long as I live.

[Darcy]

Hi Scapegoat, thank you for your comment on my post.
I said exactly the same thing as you said … that I would never have another man in my life again.
However after giving myself some time and doing lots of self development work, I decided I don’t want to give up on love or myself. I realised through doing this work that the love and approval I was seeking was the love and approval from myself. Now I have that, I feel stronger and ready to enter into another relationship and share the joys it can bring, and make better decisions.
I also understand what you say about wanting him to be abducted by aliens … I thought much worse of my ex (detail removed by Moderator)! However I eventually realise this was a complete waste of my energy and as soon as I took my energy off him and focused it on myself my life changed quicker than I could ever of imagined and for the better …
”Where thoughts go, energy flows”
My darling I so wish the same for you… there is more out there for you and we all deserve to be happy, we just have to realise that from within to begin the change.
D xx

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