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They knew that my dad beat my mum. I don’t know if they knew I was a target of his fists as well.I don’t remember how old I was when the beatings began. Only the last time he hit me. The family home was a terrifying place.
The isolation and lonliness was and remains exponential. Even now, it’s very difficult simply not being believed. Far easier to blame me for being mad.
I’m in such a dark place.
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bless your heart, i can sense your pain. but please know that you are not alone with this
having a CN mother & at one point an ON step-father, the worst thing about it was the secrecy. which resulted in so much pain & confusion when knowing that the rest of the world saw them as loving caring parents. making it impossible to be believed
at one point i found out that my grandmother knew about the abuse from my step-father which devastated me. i had loved her with all my heart
i also lived in fear as a child & still have that fear regarding my mother, because the mental, emotional & psychological abuse has been just as terrifying
i think it leaves so many scars. for me that loneliness & isolation continues into adulthood which can certainly leaves us then vulnerable to certain abusive relationships
although i am having trauma counselling, it has also helped me quite recently to read about family scapegoating. because in the past when you have tried so hard to bring the truth out into the open with extended family members, it has (similar to something you have said) been easier for them all to label me as the scapegoat. you are thought of as mentally unstable, a liar, an attention seeker, trouble maker etc
no wonder we have retreated into our shells – the world in our eyes just isnt a safe place when even those who are supposed to love & protect us are dangerous
are you having counselling maddog, because having someone who understands this type of abuse can help so very very much. just being believed is such a wonderful feeling. someone who sees you & hears you, the validation – something we have never ever had
i know how extremely difficult this is but please dont feel alone. talk about it on here as much as you need to because you will be believed, no doubt about that. know that there is kindness, support & understanding here for you sweetheart x -
You articulate it so well, Minimeerkat.
Recently I saw family & it struck me just how much I was blamed. And the secrecy! I remember way back when, my mum talking about places for battered women. I didn’t realise she was talking about herself.
Over the past several years I’ve had specifically trauma informed counselling. These childhood horrors are the gifts that keep on giving.
Prob best staying single. I have the most appalling taste in men!
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I’ve had a similar experience of being made the black sheep of the family when I was younger because I wasn’t willing to put up with my dad’s abuse. Even sicker, many years after … even after my enabler mother divorced my dad due to DA (she had long told family I was lying about the abuse) and re-married … I was made to arrange for dad’s funeral, to host a wake 800 miles away from my home, read a eulogy and clean out the flat where he died which still had the stench of death. He had died alone and no one had checked in on him until about 3 days later. My enabler mother trying to act like the victim (again) now widow. “Oh I’m not legally allowed to help.” — whatever, mother.
Everyone there knew. Cousins who had rejected me gave me both their apologies and condolences. It was a very strange time.
Given my own experience, I believe you. And you’re not alone. And yes, with loads of therapy, one can go on after such a horrendous experience.
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