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Hi everyone,
I’m new here and wanted to introduce myself. I’m a single mum with two children, and I’ve recently come out of what I now recognise was a very emotionally abusive relationship.
For years I was made to feel like I was the problem. He constantly accused me of things I’d never done saying my eyes were “all over men,” accusing me of cheating, even checking the bed and my body to “catch me out.” He made me bin personal items, grabbed me in bed to “prove” I was doing things I wasn’t, and even told me I was disgusting. I used to lie completely still at night so I wouldn’t be accused.
He shouted in my face, squared up to me, and damaged the house punching holes in doors and breaking door frames when he lost his temper. He threw furniture and made me feel unsafe in my own home. When I said I was suicidal and walked out of the house, he didn’t stop me or check if I was safe he just let me go.
To top it off, he twisted everything and told me I was the n********t, while he carried on with his lies and manipulations.
This isn’t my first rodeo. Years ago I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with my daughter’s dad, and I now have a restraining order against him. I thought I’d learned and tried to protect myself . I even did Claire’s Law on my new partner before things got serious, but nothing came up. I let my guard down, and he still managed to worm his way in and cause so much damage.
Financially, he also tried to control things. He’d make out he was paying for everything, but I was the one keeping the house going while he spent on (drugs removed by Moderator). He complained he never had a break from the kids, but when he did have them he’d rope in his mum so he could disappear for a smoke.
It’s been around (timeframe removed by Moderator) weeks since he left and I’m still processing it all. Some days I feel strong, but other days I feel completely broken. The trauma bond is very real I miss the family life I thought I had, but I can see now it was a mask.
I’m here because I don’t want to feel alone in this anymore. I’d really like to connect with others who’ve been through similar emotional/n**********c abuse, to share experiences, strength, and encouragement.
Thanks for reading 💜 -
Well he sounds like an absolute catch of a guy.
Its bizarre how we look at it on paper and they are truly awful people and yet we still believe we are the problem. What’s that about?
My ex called me the abusive one because I got so tired of defending/explaining that I just felt defeated and became quiet and withdrawn. This was turned into me giving the n*********s silent treatment as punishment so he’d bend to my will.
No point arguing about that either but apparently his therapist agrees. Just to add triangulation in there for a bit more heft to his stories.
Mine paid for everything too!
Except he didn’t but he did at least pay some bills and the mortgage. Tbf the mortgage was in his name and he refused to make a will so I wasn’t really paying that for him. I did contribute not far off equally cash wise regardless and did pretty much all of the household labour despite working myself.
Washing the dishes once a fortnight was apparently equal contribution because he worked a few hours more than me a week.
Im amazed really I put up with it so long but I think I just got worn down and any attempt at discussion was at best met with defensiveness and guilt trips that could go on for hours and nothing would ever change. It slowly got worse and he had zero respect for me at the end.
I told mine I felt suicidal too (out relationship was incredibly…insidiously damaging) and his response was well so do I because nothing I do is good enough.
Well. That shut me up
But wait. Now Im giving the silent treatment to punish…and around and around it goes.
You’re definitely not alone.
I’ve been out a short while too. Learning to live and breathe again x
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