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I feel like I’m going to be trapped here. Husband has bought a camera doorbell which will inevitably alert him of my comings & goings. Although it will be set up with me as “account holder” as he’s not particularly savvy with technology!, I believe as a “shared user” he will still be able to set his notifications to show ALL movement and not just alerted when doorbell rings. I now feel like life is over…I feel totally trapped:( 🙁
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Hi Chocolatebar,
I’m sorry to hear that your partner has purchased a camera doorbell. Unfortunately this type of surveillance technology is being used more and more frequently by abusers to track and monitor women, which inevitably leaves women feeling even more trapped and controlled.
It’s good that you will be the primary account holder with this which will hopefully give you access to turn functions off in cases of emergency.
There is information around digital abuse and stalking on the website if this feels helpful to have a look at: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Digital_Stalking_Guide_V2_Nov_2012.pdf
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
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Hi there,
I am not sure of your specific situation. Wanted to say I hear you on that type of surveillance. I have seen/heard of the door bell types.
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Hi Chocolatebar,
I lived with constant surveillance both inside and outside of my old house, I know how you feel, it’s a horrible way to live. He used the excuse these devices were for home security but that was just a cover up. When my ex was off on one of his evil phases he would sit up all night and re run the tapes hoping to catch me or the kids doing something he could then kick off about, (he never did find anything which didn’t calm him he just would then switch to something else!).
I know that feeling of being in an invisible prison and I have complete empathy for you. No matter what he does you know this isn’t right and that’s your strength at the moment. Take Care x
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To be honest I wouldn’t have dared, I was too scared. I can’t imagine the hours he wasted reviewing the footage. He also had audio recording devices hidden in the home to monitor all my conversations. It took me a long time to be able to speak without thinking first once I’d left, I had become so used to being monitored. When I look back I can’t believe I lived that way for so long.
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this is the equivalent to being locked in a cell under constant supervision, and its going on at a ridiculous level, encouraging those who are not exactly the most abusive of partners to access further devices for control of their partners and children.
Its insidious and its already destroying people’s lives. You have no life left if everything you do is watched, no privacy, total exposure, all boundaries gone.
I cannot believe our world is absolutely crawling with cameras watching us all the time. Its destroying lives. There are those who realise the harm caused by constant surveillance and those women who see no harm in it, men do though, men see what it does.
I can’t believe our laws don’t protect anyone from this. Even children. It used to be that its illegal to film children, but no longer, even in the home, and this leaves a massive gaping wide open door for paedophilia to be perpetrated against children, explicit images of naked children to get onto the internet.
I cannot understand why noone is lobbying govt about this.
You can report him, as you have no agreed to this in your home and he won’t remove it, this is part of controlling behaviour and its invasive. Its an obvious tool of control, evidence for you.
warmest wishes
ts
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@chocolatebar sent you a message.
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Yep, me too – both video and audio (audio was unknown to me until I found it, but I don’t know how long it’d been active)
Like you Strongenough, my ex would review the footage all night, sleep half the day, then “confront” me with “the evidence” (usually me going out or coming in not at the time I’d told him I had 🙄)
As all surveillance ran on 240v, if I wanted peace on the rare occasion he went out, there would be a “power cut” (I’d turn the power off at the fuse board), even if just for an hour. Was always terrified I’d get found out but if I needed to have a private conversation or pop out…..🤷♀️
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the tools of perpetrators seem to becoming more and more normalised. Many dont realise the full impact of this, and the complete loss of privacy. How is it ok for someone to film another in private, I mean legally accepted. The cameras are now everywhere, and so easy to buy small listening devices and visual ones too to hide.
Your massive red flag is that someone wants to continually watch you. Extremely toxic.
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I had it the other way round, he felt the doorbell was monitoring him and he destroyed it. When it was working it gave me some safety to see times he came home, what mood or state he was in and who else was in my home before I got back. Probably just as bad when I think about it. In reality how many genuinely important things to do you miss and need such a doorbell for, life was certainly easier without them!
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My ex used to record me, he was so jealous & convinced I was meeting people to sleep with them, he’d even put something in my car to record journeys & to check if I spoke to anyone. He’d done this on at least 2 separate occasions in the past before this most recent one. Even said he could hear me talking to someone when I’d not had interaction with anyone. I accidentally unplugged the ring doorbell from charging the batteries one day & he went mad, saying I’d done it deliberately so he couldn’t see who was coming & going, my reason being that I’d be hoovering & genuinely forgot to plug it back in wasn’t good enough, it was all lies in his view. He then tampered with the house alarm & said I’d reset it, but he’d disconnected it from the mains power. I was convinced all of this was his mental health declining, never thought for a second that he was abusing me, it’s so surreal.
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