Can I ever move on…?

[BraveStrongSmart]

Been a bit of a struggle being the first day of September.. back to work and some normality after lockdown and COVID-19 still being around.
My abusive ex contacted me via social media. Serious breach of charges and a non mol I’ve got on them. Police obviously phoned up for this etc.
But I just feel like whenever I try to move on from all of it and have some normality in my life he comes and f***s it up for me like he will never leave me ALONE! To live my life my way.
I’m just feeling deflated and extremely anxious as he’s tried phoning me too. Changing my number AGAIN! And possibly thinking of changing my name. Maybe location once it’s safer to move.
Please send some advice?

[Anonymous]

You have shown much strength in getting out. You can do this. I totally believe in no contact to be able to move on xx

[KIP.]

You won’t always feel this way. It’s still very raw for you. I’ve been through police court and restraining order etc and I’m a few years ahead of you but you build resilience to the point now I dare him to come near me. I’m not the same victim I once was which is why they target us. They see a weakness or vulnerability and seize on it. Like the predators they are. Just keep pushing back when he breaches your boundaries. Yes it’s exhausting but you learn to pick yourself up quicker each time. Just build a support network round you x they’re like a toxic smell, overpowering when near but eventually it’s just a lingering stink in the background you learn to ignore x

[SeekingPeace]

I love your analogy KIP! It’s a good way of viewing them.

I also agree that no contact is the best way to move on. Though I must admit I’m finding that difficult because I have children with him, so I can’t totally remove him and his toxicity from my life. I’m only months out but I’m on a learning curve every day about holding my boundaries with him and managing his attempts at ongoing abuse.

I’m (slowly)learning not to react to him as I remind myself every move he makes is designed to provoke a reaction in me. For example, not being visibly angry or upset when he doesn’t arrive on time to pick up the children on the day he sees them and/or brings them home later than the agreed time. Or when he texts or emails me in an attempt to engage me. I take a moment to think “Do I really need to respond to this text/email? Can I ignore it altogether or do I deal with it via my solicitor?

I am moving towards as little contact as I can get away with, bearing in mind we have children so can’t cut him off altogether.
I don’t know if you have children with him but can you consider blocking him altogether?

[BraveStrongSmart]

Thank you for your replies!! I haven’t got any children with him and yes I have blocked him and all the random accounts he keeps making on social media just to contact me and get a reaction from me. Police are aware of what he’s doing… it’s just proving it’s him!!
Suppose it has been over (detail removed by Moderator) months now since I’ve been out of the abusive relationship. So I am still recovering and learning to handle how to move on and just be at peace. Still needs to leave me alone with (detail removed by Moderator) restraining orders against him and (detail removed by Moderator)!!!!

Love to you all and stay safe!!❤️❤️

[Anonymous]

BraveStrongSmart, I hope you stay safe too!

SeekingPeace, I’m in the same boat as you. I would go through it all over again to have my children. I absolutely love them! Sadly, it means that we can’t get away completely.
But I hope the best for you in your situation xx

[Author]

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