Can I get into trouble

[Chocolatebunnie]

My elder child has said the incident the other day ((detail removed by Moderator)) that I can get into trouble?

Thing is I have spoken to ss and it’s a difficult subject as technically my husband can smack. They weren’t too bothered.

I don’t think he has smacked lately but what happened the other day shook me. I don’t know if I was overreacting? But my head was spinning as my child was hysterical and said dad hits them.

I feel awful, I’m,trying to do my best, if ss said he had to go I would be happy with that infact it would solve my problem but my child has said I’m as bad as dad for doing nothing. I have said I’ve got in touch with local services.

I wish my older child new how hard this is. Whenever I ask for help it always feels like I’m making a fuss and nothing more gets done. My case is not serious enough.

Is it cause I am so used to abuse I’m not reacting as I should do I except things others would not? or is it because my child is angry? Teenagers can be negative about their parents, I know that’s probably unfair as this has been ongoing.

He is being normal and everything feels like I’ve made it up.

Local services are calling next week, they dropped me a few months back cos he moved back in.

I’m in touch with a family therapist through (detail removed by Moderator).

Be honest but kind please I want to do right by everyone

[Twisted Sister]

So long as you report it to SS you are doing the right thing. You could report the child assault to the police and they would remove him because he is a risk to the children.

I am afraid this is a case of sometimes having to stand alone, as you are not going to please everyone by taking the right steps for them. Your children may not understand, your husband will be mad at you, there’s no winning favours with it, but at the end of the day, if you are reporting assault against the children you are doing the right thing by them, and him, and yourself, and when they have the right boundaries in place they will understand why this was the right thing to do.

Take good care of yourself, all of this is incredibly difficult, and maybe your mother could understand your actions and why you have taken them, then she is at least someone who can support and understand?

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

sorry…I had meant to include that yes, if it was otherwise discovered, say through your child mentioning this to a gp, or other HCP, or teacher, and that you had known and not spoken to authorities about it, you could potentially risk being seen as not safeguarding your child, but then so would he, he’s the actual risk to you both.

[StrongLife]

I too had issues of this.

Perhaps discuss this with the therapist who can help you – a therapist experienced in domestic violence. If that one does not help, try another. Sometimes therapist fit better than others.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Waiting to hear from local services so hoping this will help me

Thanks for your replies means a lot CB x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Had to have a chat with teacher today as said child not want to go to school I couldn’t pluck up courage to say anything and didn’t have privacy either didn’t feel I would be believed

Afterwards I then spoke with family therapist (EWMHS/NHS) told her what happened she just said I need to keep my child safe if things are stressful try not to leave them alone with dad. That was it.

I told therapist about referal to local services WA she just said more help the better and concluded I didn’t have financial independence so therefore was stuck relying on my husband. Made me feel like I was a SAHM living the life of luxury, I really am not. She did say I had difficult decisions and to contact citizens advice. Maybe I expected too much but I did feel let down as I’ve been open with her. She’s leaving soon.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi CB

It doesn’t sound to me that she was thinking you were living the life of luxury, just that you were financially dependent, making your options more limited as reliant upon him. I’d agree, get all the support you can, but, yes, I am also surprised by the muted response you got from the Family Therapist, I would have thought this was something she would have to report as a safeguarding issue?

I hope that the support can come soon and help you all to be free of him.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thanks TS strange times I guess very unsettling

The referral I made to local support has been passed to social services who have initially spoken with me and passed this onto their team

I’m really frightened now and doubting myself. I was honest with them about everything too.

[StrongLife]

I’m sorry this is happening. I made report to police about the violence and kids issues and told teachers.

Have you thought of looking for another counsellor if that one is leaving? I have gone to numerous counsellors, social workers etc. some effective, some not.

Have you also thought of legal aid? This could be Avenue and social security payments (if you have not got this already)

[Chocolatebunnie]

Hi Stronglife yes exactly all the things I have been thinking as to how or what avenue to take.

It’s really churning my stomach as it’s not in my character to be dishonest and this is how it feels I feel like I’m going behind his back. When he’s normal it feels like what I experienced was a blur so it’s hard.

I’m feeling bad but all I have actually done is speak the truth. My head is spinning. I’m just scared people will think I’m the bad one.

There may be another person the counsellor can pass me onto who will be replacing them. I will ask.

Thanks for your reply

CB X

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