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My ex wants to change our contact agreement. He wants our son one extra night so he has him more and has the power, that isn’t the reason he has given but I am not stupid.
I will get legal aid to cover the court case. The problem is I feel horrible about taking him to court because he can’t afford it I am also going to have to ask for maintenance because I have had to drop some hours at work to be able to pick our son up at school so we don’t cause a scene at the gates fighting over him.
I know its just one night but I need that night to claim the benefits I do in order for me to work part time so I can provide care for our son during the day during the week. He doesn’t seem to see this and keeps saying I can keep the benefits….something for him to hold over me.
I a just sick of fighting with him and I want him to be nice to me and to please him. It is so stupid because I know what he is doing and why. I know he is being an a*s but I still want to give him what he wants I don’t want to upset him with a court case.
I know I a not in love with him he killed that but I feel something for him. Like he is this warm comfortable blanket I just want to curl up under, does this make any sense to anyone? -
Hi VT
Big hugs and don’t feel guilty if he hadn’t been abusive he wouldn’t be in the position he in. Its his doing not yours. While we are in our abusive relationship we are conditioned to put their rights, feeling needs above all else, and this will take time to get over it Trauma Bonding, I still feel guilt for reporting his actions, but do and we have to keep doing it.
Him wanting your child for a night is not do with the child, its to do with making your life difficult, he is trying to gain control in your life.
You are doing so well and its hard to stay strong but we have no choice (Im having a few wobbles and tears at the moment)
Big hugs and put yours and your childs needs first.
FS xx
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Hi there, as human beings, we crave what is our ‘normal’. Your relationship was built on keeping him happy so,that you could feel some sort of contentment. You have been programmed to think this way. You have to re wire your brain. Make no mistake. If that man could take everything from you, he would do it in a heart beat. You owe him nothing. The only thing he’s interested in is himself.
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Let your solicitor deal with him. Tell her to take her gloves off and take everything she can. When it’s all over and you are in the position of power and control then you can make decisions on what is best for your family. I tried being reasonable after he was arrested. It’s like they think they’re in some desperate war and they use a sledgehammer to hit a nut. When they should be being reasonable and trying to sort things out, the opposite happens. The more they lose control the more desperate they get. Mine has constantly lied to police, solicitors, courts, judges etc. It like they see that red mist again and can’t help themselves. They have no empathy or even consider the consequences of their behaviour. They are so used to getting their own way by bullying, threatening, violence, manipulation etc. They just can’t stop. So think of this when you feel sorry for him. I used to feel exactly like you but after he had me detained by the police and used our son in a terrible way, I realised it was time to fight back or lie back and let him abuse me all over again.
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HI HUN
As much as we loved them, if the ball was the other way round they wouldnt consider us first, and hope u havent told him that u need your child with u an extra day to claim benefit, he willuse it against u, the bit about u saying his like the blanket u crave, yes we do miss the hugs but their hugs r not worth what we get in return , we all want to do things ambicable, i was thinking same didnt want him to cost him more but his decided to do everything via court, so think of yourself hun
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