Can they change?

[Fredom2024]

Hi

My husband of (detail removed by moderator) has been emotionally controlling. He encouraged me to leave jobs to work with him. He used to restrict through our internet router the website, apps and tv channels I could watch. I can see that this was out of his own insecurities and jealousy as he felt I wasn’t interested in him enough. (detail removed by moderator) says he’s trying to turn things around, to make himself a better person, to put things right etc. Can someone like this change?

Thanks

[spiritedaway]

Hi Fredom
I don’t know if they can!? Mine finally says he will at the point I have walked, but I don’t think he means it he just needs to save his ego. He’s supposed to finally get help and at the point it is due to start he just wants to know if any hope for us as if he doesn’t really want to waste his time.

[Toofarr]

They are not capable of change. Any change is just to manipulate you and fool you. It’s temporary. From what I am seeing with mine, he has only gotten worse through our relationship and only worse now a child is involved because he uses her to control me more. They won’t change.

[sweet4]

No they dont, i fell for his lies again, (detail removed by Moderator) years ago, he said, he will get help, he has anger issues, now again,he said he will get help, when i say, anger its like a child having a temper tantrum, he went to my neighbours, arms up in the air, my neighbour said it was hard to try and calm him down, then he comes in and tells me to get out of my home. So here we go again, trying to divorce him again.

[Dovegirl]

Through personal experience I feel they don’t ever change. They try to say they will as they know it’s the thing they know you want to hear. It’s a control thing and they then know that you won’t leave, well until it happens again.

[browneyedmum]

Have a look for a book called, “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft. There’s an online version available for free if you know where to look. It might help you gain some insights there xX.

[Happybelle]

Yeah……no. I’ve been waiting a number of years for change. There have been pockets of goodness but the reality is absolutely nothing has changed. They won’t get help either despite promising time and again they will. I know it will always be this way. Good luck!

[StrongLife]

No – they cannot. Only you can change. Awaiting someone to change is a waste of time.

I learnt this hard way with ex.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Answer is no, I’m over twenty years in and nothings changed.

Behaviour changes, that being the tactics or the type of abuse but their mindset doesn’t and that’s the problem.

How he views you and women is the problem and it won’t change. Seek support from local DV services he sounds very controlling.

Take care CB X

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