Can you explain why I feel this?

[Chocolatebunnie]

Despite everything that has or is happening why is staying still my safe place?

Normal would be to run for the hills, I’m holding back from him but I want comfort from him. It’s all I’ve known, but this maybe about to change regardless so I’m holding back.

Is this something you have experienced in your situation? I’m trying to work out why I can feel like this when my head is trying to tell me otherwise.

Is it because I’m on overload due to recent events, there’s been a lot to process.

Cb x

[Bananaboat]

Survival instincts are fight, flight or freeze – could be that.

F.O.G – fear, obligation and guilt is probably a big part of it.

Addiction – our bodies are highly addicted to the chemicals released during the cycle, it’s going to try to keep you hooked.

There’s safety in the known, even if it’s bad, you know what to do and leaving that is scary.

It’s probably all of that and more. It is overwhelming at times so be kind to yourself. My mind was mush a lot, god making a simple decision was impossible some days. Hang in there xx

[Weak Link]

Hi CB,

I doubted myself for a while and if I should take my perpetrator back. Its the control aspect they have over you. It’s not easy to break free and it will take time.

I would definitely say that when I was overwhelmed I often thought more of giving in but then I thought of all the bad memories I had.

It will pass. Stay strong.

[Footballfan1]

Hi Chocolatebunnie,

It is the fear of the unknown, we think better the devil we know.

It is a doubt you have wondering if it is your fault because it gets drummed into you that it is.
You want the abuse to stop, not your family unit.
Unfortunately the only way for the abuse to end is to put an end to the relationship and lose your usual family life.
That hurts a lot.

It is also guilt you feel, guilt for your husband, the abuser makes us concentrate on their every need.
They talk about their problems and concerns, but are not interested in hearing ours.
It is also guilt you feel for the kids, for not acting sooner but at the same time for acting at all and changing their lives.

It is no wonder we become anxious, brain mashed walking time bombs of emotions.

Everything you are feeling is normal.
You are still with the abuser for now so you can’t begin your healing journey until you are out of the situation.

My ex was my only relationship, we were together more than (detail removed by moderator).
It’s heart wrenching and you really crave their hugs and kind words.
I remind myself that he only gave me those things as he pleased to keep me trapped.
He wasn’t a kind loving person, everything was tactile with him.

Practice self care for yourself.
You need to take care of yourself so you have the strength to take care of your children.
Try to do some fun things over the weekend if possible to take all your minds off it.
Keep posting
Xx

[Grey Rock]

Maybe read up on Trauma Bonding?

Xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi CB

all I can say is that if it hadn’t been for the abuse you could still be together? Over time you become to realise the abuse piece by piece, and its completely contrary to your other deeply held beliefs about him, so you separate it from him, to protect your mind, the love stays, the bond stays, and the abuse is denied, when the balance tips and the abuse becomes undeniable and so obvious to your eyes, you then have the battle with your feelings of wanting, loving, needing, knowing and familiarity of him. These things don’t just suddently disappear, they need to be carefully processed, and let go of, grieved over in the fullness of the ending of the relationship.

Everyone knows this is hard.

Remember you have managed this once already, maybe not in this way, but you got him out and lived without him for that time.

Thinking of you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

These replies all of them are wonderful in explaining why I feel Like this, so much to learn, process and except.

I watched a video explaining the cycle, trauma bond and it was a great way to understand how it cycles and how we process everything.

The more I’m learning annd beginning to understand the abuse, the more likely I’m to start doing something about it.

Before, I was doubting, reading things thinking that’s not me, it’s not abuse. More I understand tactics, cycles, trauma bonds the more you see it. Self esteem plays a huge part in what you except and won’t except.

[Grey Rock]

It’s great that you’re finding the information you need to free yourself emotionally and spiritually. This is where recovery begins x*x

[Author]

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