Cause I am strong enough to live without you

[Anabela]

Ladies, I have done it. There has been so many times (I just had to prove the statistics!!) when I left and went no contact just to come back to him the next day. The next week. But this time where is no going back. I spoke up. I stood up for myself. I went out of my comfort zone. I put my love (or trauma bond) aside. I spoke about what happened. And I put the stop for it and let other people deal with him.
How do I feel? I feel all sorts of emotions. Happy because I got validation that his behaviour is wrong. Proud of myself oh so proud. Guilty. And extremely sad because I know I will never see or hear from him again. I can burst into tears out of the blue just because I saw a moon from the window or remembered this or that. Or because I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH. But I do feel in peace. For the first time in God knows how long…. I feel that I have finally made the final decision. The right decision.

And I am happy that I realized how many people stood by me. What a strong support network I apparently have. People from my previous job. (The job he hated. And he was so right to say that it ‘ruined our relation’ as it opened my eyes) My friends (in his words who treated me like a child) who were patient with me when I got back to him yet another time. Who listened to me moan and cry and say the same things over and over again. And they always told the same things over and over again because I needed to hear that repetition. And they were not judgmental. My parents (my ‘controlling parents’) who understood my moods and who care about me so much. And total strangers who read the message behind my words (and who ‘disrespected my opinion’ in his words): ‘I am okay. I love him. I am happy.’This forum and especially one Lady who never ignored my long messages. Yes, I lost some very dear friends because of this relationship. And it is painful but maybe that was inevitable. But I am not on my own.

I know there is going to be a long road to recovery. I know because happiness is followed by sadness throughout the day already. But I am determined to get my life back. To get my hobbies back. To make a career. To finish my degree. To be strong and independent and SINGLE until I fall in love with myself and marry myself and feel confident in my own company. And you know what. I am looking forward to this process – of getting strong. I know I will never be that same person that I was before I met him. But I am not bothered, it just means I will be a stronger woman who will stand up to herself and who will know her worth. I am not a victim. I am a survivor.

‘There’s no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I’m strong enough to know you gotta go……………………’

[lover of no contact]

So delighted for you Anabela. Well done. You’ve just cut the shackles that bound you to him. Yes ignore that trauma bond. I read somewhere that we have to put our emotional thinking on hold when dealing with abusers and let our logical brain take over. Logic over emotion. Head over heart. You’ve made the decision with your head. If he tries to hoover you back in by making contact with you to pull at your heart strings, come on here and post and call Women’s Aid. I’m glad you have so much positive support.

You definitely made the right decision. I paid a big price (and so did my children) for not making the decision to end the abusive relationship until decades. But I can’t beat myself up about that now. I did the best I could at the time. But I’m so glad for you you’re making that decision now decades before me and you have your whole life ahead of you now to be lived without being abused.

[Anabela]

Thank you so much for your reply. I just woke up and I find mornings and evenings the hardest. But then I read your message and reminded myself I made a right decision. The only possible decision that is right.
If he attempts any contact I have to report to police. It would be very hard to do but now I know I would do it. He should know that I would do it. I never thought I would go till the end I surprised myself the most. And he must have been shocked that his manipulation, his flying monkies, guilt tripping and poor him cards stopped working.
And today I am gonna have a good day. I have a dance class, nails appountment and some shopping to do. I am gonna take a deep breath and yes….. thats a smell of FREEDOM !!!!

[Author]

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