Child arrangements during holidays

[SeekingPeace]

Hi everyone

Haven’t been on here in over a year but recalled how helpful it used to be. Im post separation but have ongoing issues due to children having regular contact with their dad. He uses the children to try to continue to exert control over me. I know this is very common. Anyway, I’m wondering if anyone can share arrangements that work for them during holidays. Im just interested to know what others do each year. Though I appreciate everyone’s circumstances are individual and will vary due to various factors.

This is the first year that we are dividing the children’s time between us during Christmas school hols. Im still the primary carer, and have been all along. He takes them every (detail removed by Moderator) weekend and every (detail removed by Moderator) week night.

He has already sent me a “proposal” which would involve (detail removed by Moderator).

My friends all think his proposal is very unreasonable and unfair. But I’m thinking of agreeing to most of it (apart from him having children Christmas Day – (detail removed by Moderator)) because I’m very weary and don’t want to enter unnecessary dialogue and another “war” with him. I’m pretty certain he is doing this intentionally, knowing it’s unfair because he wants to provoke reaction in me and open up dialogue (I’ve recently cut my direct contact with him right down and of course he doesn’t like that).
Have any of you got a regular plan each year that works and you are happy with? Or is anyone else struggling like me with arrangements? Thanks 😊

[Lisa]

Hello SeekingPeace,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a distressing time. We understand how common it is for abusers to use the issue of child contact to continue their controlling and manipulative behaviours long after the relationship has ended, it can be incredibly stressful.
You’re not alone, and I’m sure some other users will be along to share their experience and offer some wisdom soon.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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