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All of my children are teenagers. Since I have separated from their dad we have continued to live in the same small town so they have had contact with him during evenings and weekends but returned to me following this. They have not spent the night with him since I made him leave the family home. The children and I are moving away from the area soon meaning contact in the evenings will be difficult. I am proposing that he can see them one weekend day a week however, he is requesting to have them overnight. He has currently moved in with a new girlfriend and they both drink regularly to excess especially at weekends. Throughout my marriage he drank heavily and it was during these times that the abuse was worse. I am worried for the safety of my children if he was going to start having them overnight. What can I do about this I don’t want to stop daytime contact as despite everything he is their dad. Their views are that they want to see him when they chose and not when they are made too- typical teenagers!
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Hi there,
I think you are absolutely right with your concerns, so you stick to protecting your children the way you think best.
If they are all teenagers, then the youngest will be at least 13. If there are no special needs / disabilities / learning difficulties to consider then all of them are of the age where their opinion counts in a family court case for any contact order. They probably all have phones, are free to ring or receive calls with Dad when they like, Facetime or WhatsApp video etc. Seeing him for a day every weekend is great, if they want it. Sometimes they might not, as you say, teenagers have lives of their own – in their bedrooms!
The fact that you and your ex seem to be co-parenting pretty well at the moment is good. If he wants the kids overnight then he will have to take action with family court proceedings for contact. If the kids don’t want to go and stay over every weekend it’s unlikely they’ll be made to at their age. If he knows they don’t really want to go and stay over he may not bother applying to the court. It might be slightly different if the kids wanted to stay over, but you’re saying they don’t.
I’d tell him he can see them but they’re not staying. Arrange for the kids to come home at the end of the day somehow, you may have to go and pick them up? Then if he wants to pursue it with the court it’s up to him.
Did you know you can do a Sarah’s Law request for a disclosure on his new girlfriend? If she is going to be spending time around your children you can ask the Police if there are any child concerns recorded for her that you need to be aware of to consider your children’s safety when they are with her. If she has a history of child neglect or child abuse this will justify your position of not allowing overnight contact.
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