Child contact all talk!?

[Butterflyblue]

Hello! I hope you’re all having a positive day and relaxing evening. I’ve only posted on here once but often read your posts and feel I’m not alone.

I feel I’m coming to the end of one/this chapter of leaving….if that makes sense.

My ex left (I managed to get him out) (detail removed by moderator) The first two months was claims of change etc and then it turned almost like a switch and that ‘love’ was now hatred.
We have a then (detail removed by moderator) daughter (detail removed by moderator) which he has been going on about how I’m taking her away from him he misses her so much etc. Yet at the early stages when I suggested he see her he wouldn’t without me present or there would be excuses.
Then he suddenly decided he wanted 50/50 responsibly and will be going to court. He would often say I want to see my daughter and soon, but never actually suggest a day or time!
Anyway this all was going back and forwards for months. I suggested (with the help of the social worker) 1-2 hours per week with my mum present as someone familiar. He refused as my mum May make up lies so a contact centre was suggested for 12 weeks and then we could review.
He’s recently sent me an email with my parent and his parents included, saying he doesn’t want all this negativity for ‘our angel’ and that he knows I’ve made claims against him to make him look bad in the eyes of people!! But that he would like to meet and discuss whether he should be in her life or not and the fact that I’m not letting him be there to kiss her at night etc. (detail removed by moderator)
So I guess what I’m asking is?? Will he disappear off into the sunset or will he always stick around. I’m guessing the whole contact thing is all talk. He currently lives down the road so when he meets his new girlfriend I can’t see how he will keep up is perfect persona with me or his daughter around

Anyone gone through this?

Sorry for the long post!!!

[KIP.]

He is delusional. He will probably hang around as long as he can make your life a misery. Playing the victim. He loves the drama of it all but when it boils down to it he can’t even be bothered to follow through with visits. Let’s see how many times he actually uses the contact centre. If he can’t be bothered doing that then why would he want to be there to kiss her goodnight. They make up this rubbish as they go along, playing the victim and will constantly change the goal posts. Make the arrangements with the contact centre and cut all contact with him for the next 12 weeks. When he can’t have access to you, he might just give up.

[Butterflyblue]

Thanks kip, he is definitely all of those things.

I’ve tried everything for him to see his daughter and actually the ball is in his court now.
I think you’re right! It’s just so hard to comprehend how you could not want to see your child isn’t it! I would move heaven and earth to see her for one minute!

I think it will make things a lot easier long term and ultimately it’s better someone like this is not in her life…. I just hope once he’s gone he doesn’t come back:(

Thanks for replying KIP xx

[diymum@1]

yes all smoke with no fire! stick to the contact centre and go third party communication xx he will give up! when he cant get what he wants and the stigma of the CC – he will slowly stop going this happened to us xx we all saw him for what he was including the court xx

[diymum@1]

be wary tho because if he turned up everytime for contact and your daughter was happy and he behaved. after twelve weeks they can move it to unsupervised – if its not already xx

[Butterflyblue]

Thanks diymum@1, it’s a voluntary supervised contact centre, so it’s actually one he needs to organise and pay for (detail removed by moderator) after he refused contact being supervised by a family member, this is what the social worker advised. The ball is in his court to arrange and then email me or my mum to let us know. He has done nothing and It’s been 3 weeks and that’s when I got the email about him wanting to meet to discuss our daughter and whether he should be in her life etc.

That is of course his choice and he’s not putting that blame on me. I will see what happens.

I guess I’m hoping that’s him gone completely but I guess i’ll Always be on edge for him to one day turn up.

[Butterflyblue]

Diymum@1 – I’m glad that all, including court, saw your ex for what he was. I hope you and you’re kiddies are finally living a peaceful life without him in it! X

[diymum@1]

if the court orders a no contact he wont be able to come near her or send letters or cards. nothing. only when she is 16 she can decides if she wants to see him. im in this boat and by then hopefully we will have moved away. thats what im planning. we never really mention him now my daughter and i. he caused so much upset and id say terror. horrible man and not fit as a dad. its better to have one good descent parent than to have a father undermining everyone in the background because inevitably were left with nothing if we let this happen relationships suffer and can crumble xxxx

[diymum@1]

thanks bb ! yeh it was the right decision all round he walked away with ease. it was obvious he wanted to win but didnt give a damm about anyone including his children xxxx

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