Child misses him?

[Jellytot]

Just been getting ready for bed and my son be quiet all evening he says mum can I have a hug I feel sad I of course say yes come ere 🤗 I then ask why you sad and he says I miss my dad
Literally made my blood boil thinking about my ex he’s obviously not interested in how his children feel I honestly didn’t know what to say to my child to comfort him apart from maybe next time you see him you can tell him how you feel. I don’t know if this is right nor wrong to say first time round with all this 💔

I did say to the ex only (detail removed by Moderator) just because we aren’t in a relationship anymore doesn’t mean you don’t bother with your children

[Bananaboat]

Oh bless you, it’s so heartbreaking watching your kids suffer. Sadly you’ll be wasting your breath saying anything to your ex and your child will probably get hurt more sharing their feelings with him. He knows he’s their father, he knows he has responsibilities and he knows it hurts you & the his kids. He’s choosing to put himself first. Even if he put in some effort in response, it would be short lived. It’s a strong sign you’re doing a great job that your son felt safe to tell you his feelings and whilst you can’t control your ex you can control your home, don’t slate the ex to the child but acknowledge it hurts and remind them you’re always there, a hug can work wonders. As they get older they’ll hopefully see and understand more xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hello jellytot

Its so hard isn’t it. Even abused children can miss their father, and love their father, its not an easy bond to break unless he had already broken it whilst in the home.

Children will automatcially try to form bonds with their immediate carers, whether they be parents, abusive parents, or fosterers, unrelated carers.

I would encourage him to talk a little more about what he understands of why daddy is no longer there, and just reassure that you have lots of cuddles to give and to know how important it is to ask when he needs one, or feels sad and you’ll try to help him with it. Not to feel sad alone but to try to share it.

A really good read is ‘when dad hurts mom’ Lundy Bancroft. Its perfect for helping with your situation.

It was lovely how you managed him, responding with hugs the way you did.

warmest wishes

ts

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