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He’s just told the kids that they are going to stay with his mother who lives overseas for Christmas and that he won’t be there as he can’t afford a ticket. We had come to a verbal agreement that the kids would be with each of us in turn at Christmas – it’s his turn this year but I really object to the fact that he won’t be with them. The kids want to go and they are just old enough to decide for themselves but I feel this is a controlling tactic on his part maybe to get a reaction out of me? What should I do – let it happen or kick up about it?
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I think if the kids are old enough to decide for themselves and there’s no risk to them or anything then personally I’d probably let them go. I’d feel hurt of course. Obviously this is only my point of view based on the facts above. Also, if you kick up about it then he’s got the reaction he wants, the less you react to him the less control he can have over you x
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Yes he knows it will upset and worry/annoy you. Give him no reaction. He will always do the opposite to what you want so don’t let him know you’re peeved about it. Anyway he’s saying he’s not going to go but you can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Lies are second nature to him. Christmas is a long way off and who’s to say he doesn’t change his mind and does go. Of course he’ll say this initially to upset you. I’d give no reaction and not let him know what you’re feeling. Anyway the kids would be better off without him imo, he’ll only be trying to push their buttons (as our abuser’s do). Your children will have peace at Christmas without him.
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Try to give him the opposite to the reaction he expects then you’re in control.if you say what a wonderful opportunity for the kids to have Christmas abroad, how exciting etc. However hurt you are inside, don’t show him or the kids, don’t give him the satisfaction and plan something nice and special as a treat for yourself. Love and good luck xx
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Hi, (yes if its typical abusive behaviour and you know him well enough to feel its a tactic then it probably is!) its being done to upset you a case of you wont be seeing the kids at xmas for no good reason as he isnt either! He probably hates the perfectly reasonable request to have alternate xmas with the kids so wants to rile you up about it. My mum does similar rubbish.
Best thing as you said ignore it if you feel the kids are old enough to decide and that his mum is a safe person then let them go. chances are when he sees you seemingly not upset he will drop it or at least not pull that stunt in the future.
Meanwhile breathe a sign of relief that they may not be seeing their dad thats got to be good news and maybe make sure you plan to do something nice yourself over xmas like being with nice friends or family so it wont feel so horrible that hes doing this nonsense to you., if he goes ahead with it
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