Christmas & Depression

[lilbird]

Hi.
Since my last post on a different thread for the last month or so I have been spiraling downwards.
We are only 2 weeks away from Christmas but I have no interest in it at all.
I have no real interest in my partner and its only my teenage son who is keeping me going. Dreading Christmas and spending even more time with my mum and my partner. I just want to pack up and go away.
Kept thinking of splitting from partner but can I do it this close to Christmas. Please help. X

[Iwantmeback]

Hi lilbird, ditto. i don’t have any children at home now they’re all grown up but I won’t see them either, he makes me spending time with my family difficult. This is my worst year ever. I dont know how I’m going to survive his time of from work eirher. I guess I’ll just have to take one day at a time.
I’ll text tomorrow I’m ruining out of battery. Jyst wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
💕💕IWMB

[lilbird]

Hi iwantmeback.
My son lives with me and my mum but he usually goes to his dad’s for Christmas, which is fine by me but then it leaves me with mum and my current partner and this year I dread it. Since I split with my sons dad I always find the christmas adverts upsetting if I’m honest and this years BBC advert with the mum and her son has really hit me which is why I’m doubting my current relationship as I feel I should be making more time with my son. When I’m out and about and people are buzzing around doing their Christmas shopping, laughing etc I feel as if I’m in a big black bubble.

[maddog]

I used to feel like this most of the time. It’s grim isn’t it. You are so not alone. It’s a difficult time of year and everyone bunkers down as though it’s the end of the world. There may be opportunities to get out and volunteer if you feel up to it. I have spent Christmas before bitterly cold and bitterly lonely.

[Iwantmeback]

The new BBC advert is awful for me too, the first and 2nd time I saw it I was in hysterics. The last time it was just the mum and son together at the end of it so never showed the build up to how they get together . When she reached her hand out to cup his face, I’m In tears thinking of it. My son was about that age when he left to go live with his dad as was my daughter a few years before him. Both left because they couldn’t take my oh’s behaviour to them. Thank God they had their dad, but it’s not been easy. So many moments because of the fallout. Suicide attempts by them and me, arrests, totally off the rails. Their dad has tried, but he’s all mouth and no trousers if you know what I mean. My OH has tried to be supportive but he says they’re nothing to do with him, he doesn’t see he caused so much of all this tragedy. 20 days , it is only another day. 😔
IWMB

[Lightness]

Just popping in to share a little of my experience, I hope it helps a little. I am now some time out of a long relationship with my abusive ex. Christmas was always difficult with him. He hated Christmas. He did his best to stop me enjoying it and he took away my freedom to choose how/where/with whom I spent the holiday season. It was a very depressing and often humiliating time of year for me.

I am now some time out of the relationship. I don’t do anything ‘amazing’ (i.e. tv ad style) for Christmas and sometimes spend the day alone, but I do now have the freedom to spend my time how I like and without fear of humiliation and drama. I am so grateful that I was in a position to make the break for freedom. It was really really tough to leave, but never ever give up the right you have to choose your freedom and happiness.

Lx

[Iwantmeback]

Thank you @Lightness, your words mean an awful lot🤗

IWMB 💕💕

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Lilbird and everyone,

Just wanted to say I can totally relate. I was only with my abusive ex a short time (it was a very fast moving intense relationship that escalated fast) so I never had a Christmas with him, but I also find Christmas really difficult and today am feeling pretty low about it. For me it’s mainly to do with my family, who I realised are technically emotionally abusive. I only realised when I was on the phone to the helpline about my ex describing his behaviour. I was shocked that they considered it abusive because to me most of it seemed really normal/not a big deal as my family have often behaved in a similar way.

This year I’ve taken the scary step of putting up a boundary and choosing to spend it alone (with my cat). My options this year were either spending it with my family which would have probably being partly enjoyable until they did something cruel/unexpected, or spending it alone. It feels like being stuck between rock and a hard place. I was meant to be going to a social thing with a group of people this week but felt too stressed so declined. I have one small vaguely Christmassy social event with people I volunteer with and otherwise that is it, no social plans at all for the whole period. Part of me feels relieved and hopeful of a more peaceful time but another part of me just feel sad. I wish I had the happy loving family, great partner and group of genuinely good local friends you see in all the adverts.

I’ve been looking at vegetarian Christmas dinner recipes today and feel a bit overwhelmed at the thought of cooking myself a roast dinner for one, but also think I’ll feel depressed if I don’t have a sort of roast dinner if that makes sense. I’ve also put up decorations even though hardly anyone will see them, but feel if I don’t it might make me more depressed.

I agree that what makes it so much worse is the idea that everyone else in the whole world is having a better time than you, due to all the silly adverts etc. Some people are lucky and do have good families and partners and will be enjoying it, but I do think a lot of people find it hard, even if they have a good partner etc.

What I also find difficult is dealing with all the crowds and hysteria when I just want to buy a few things that I need in the shops. I’ve started to get panic attacks again this week due to the crowds when I just wanted to buy something practical that has nothing to do with Christmas. I dislike the mania that the shops incite in order to get people to go crazy and buy loads of presents.

I often feel greatly relieved on 2nd January when it’s all over and the crowds have dispersed, it’s peaceful and I can spend nice evenings alone with a candle writing in my journal.

[Author]

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