Clarification

[lostandbroken]

So Iv had a very interesting and confirming conversation with his ex, Iv found out that the things he did to me, he also did to her and the one before her. He actually went to court for the one before her, I don’t know if he was prosecuted, whether or not he was prosecuted will it stay on his record? Will another judge be able to see that in the future?

I must admit…. although I’m still feeling my usual anxious self, Iv had my clarification of his n********t behaviour. That it’s not just me, and I don’t have to second guess myself anymore. There is no blame on my behalf, now I can finally close that book and concentrate purely on myself now.

He really is a bad man and it scares me now that I don’t know him? I never knew him?

Xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

I feel the same. After speaking to two exes and having the fog lifted I feel so emotionally distant from him. I honestly have no idea who he is.

I thought he was the one. The love of my life, the best thing ever.

The truth is he’s the worst thing that ever happened to me. But I can see that now and I’m stronger and wiser because of it.

I now know what an abusive relationship looks like and can ensure my children are educated about it so they don’t fall into the traps I did. Xx

[lostandbroken]

I used to think he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and so did mi family. Boy was I far from the truth.

He was a massive control freak, after plenty of arguments he would try to get a reaction by calmly removing every content of my belongings in the house and stack them neatly where I could see. And he would spend hours and hours doing this until I cracked and begged him to stop.

When I finally left… he chose what I could take of my belongings and when. He even helped me load up my car, then protested later.

I’m actually free of this right now. I am as we speak lay on my couch, under my duvet with a little clutter of mess on the floor. But it’s ok, I don’t have to jump up and clean up because I am a free spirit and this is my choice to have a lazy messy day hehe.

Xx

[Serenity]

Fantastic, Lost and Broken,

I can feel the freedom vibes emanating from you!

It’s good that you could receive confirmation from his ex that he was the same towards her- (though not good for her, of course). These abusers do such a convincing job of making us believe we are at fault.

I was lucky in a similar way, in that a friend of mine saw him with a woman after he left me- and he was acting like a king and behaving towards her like she was his subservient slave, just as he did me. So here, though I feel very sad for the new woman, I have proof that the problem is him and his attitude towards others.

(I would say his attitude towards women- but he bullies males too.)

You enjoy relaxing couch and throwing your chocolate wrappers on the floor like a queen! It’s your time now!🍫

[SaharaD]

Hello Lost and broken

I suggest going no contact with anything to do with your abuser. No facebooking him, no speaking to his ex-es. and try not to think about him by distracting yourself with other things. I know easier said than done.

I gather that you are only a few months out and I suggest as recommended by domestic abuse organisations that you do not date or have any type of sexual or emotional or romantic relations with men for two years after the last abusive contact. Aim for that. Focus on your recovery by reading recovery books on abuse and books on building your self esteem and self achievement.

I also suggest joining a women’s group for more emotional support.

[lostandbroken]

Yes I have been full no contact with him and his family and friends for a couple of months.

I’m glad I contacted her, I know it wasn’t wise but it’s helped me massively to feel better about me. I can now heal in peace knowing I’m not at wrong.

And yes serenity…. there is now a rather large mound of wrappers. My duvet is all tangled, haven’t even got dressed today. Iv watched loads of my fave films and I think il order a take away for tea hehe. Xx

[Ayanna]

The police should have a record of the reports. You could get in touch with your detective and speak to him/her. That will definiteley help to get him convicted.

[lostandbroken]

It wasn’t her I contacted it was a different one and she never reported him. I have no interested in contacting anymore. If he has a record of it… the police should have it already surly? Xx

[EeyoreNoMore]

My ex changed his first and last name. He said it was to put distance between himself and his abusive family. I now think it was to put distance between him and the police records from his exes (no charges or convictions so in his mind, no abuse!)

[lostandbroken]

Oh my gosh that is definately dodgy, changing his names Iv never heard that before. Although it does make sense so he has no trail of his behaviour. I can’t believe how drastic the dark fog is lifting since communications with his ex, xx

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