Co parenting —– that’s a laugh

[Iwon]

Hi all
Felt so sorry for my (detail removed by moderator) year old today. He always feels sick in morning when he is going to his dad’s. I hugged him and he cried. He says his dad is too lazy to look after him but he doesn’t understand why he has to go if his dad isn’t with him when he is there. His dad’s gf looks after him and has a son who bullies my little boy and she tells him off.

I have slowly taught my little boy to stand up to his dad so he does now. He days no and sets boundaries with him.

What his (detail removed by moderator) year old brain don’t understand is his dad tells the gf to tell him off and make him do things and go places he don’t want because our son stands up to him.

I feel such a failure I can’t save him. I have cut his time going down but if I do anymore he will have me in court….. again. This will mean my son will ‘ve questioned I imagine which I don’t want to put him through.

I have said tell me what you want. He days I love daddy and my family and just want to see them but he isn’t going to dump her really as who else would he get to look after bit him and our son.

I aim to keep conflict low by absolute minimum contact. Respond to none of his rubbish. I can’t protect him ….. because he wants to see his dad.

I keep on saying you (detail removed by moderator) …. you decide when you go then…. hate to see him being screwed up emotionally. Don t know the answer and feel u an letting him down.

I have been out for nearly (detail removed by moderator)  years so at least the poor boy don’t have to grown up in it. It’s about 80/20 percent custody in my favour.

He actually said to me he can’t get to you so takes it out of me now x any ideas?

[Surviving]

It’s weired ain’t it. My I now have to share the holidays with my kids dad yet he works most if i. I can understand if he had the time off for her but he don’t bother booking time off. So I said she could be home with me and her brothers if he can’t have her but he refuses and says his girlfriend and mum can have her for that (detail removed by moderator) hours a week.
It’s not down to other people to look after the children if they have a parent to have them. They are showing they can still take control. It don’t matter to them that it’s not what their child wants. They don’t care about how the child feels. It’s about him and scoring points.
It is very hard that we can’t help our child

I feel for you I really do.

[Iwon]

Thank you surviving. I have read your other posts and so relate. My child is (detail removed by moderator) so has more choice. The sad thing is he said I do love daddy but I know know he is lazy and won’t look after me himself. I he wants to protect me I realize. He said he will only start being horrible to you if you change things mommy. Then he will go on and on at me because I have told you something. I said daddy doesn’t bother me. I want to do what will help you baby. My son (detail removed by moderator). We were so happy. Celebrated with his friends.. I told him how proud I am of him. It reminds me of how I felt when I was stuck in the marriage. Nothing made sense…. It’s emotional abuse. It’s like slowly painfully watching him wake up to who his dad is…. what sort of an empty soul gets an ego boost from crushing his own child’s confidence.

I have been out for (detail removed by moderator) years. Divorced for (detail removed by moderator). Stile can’t hurt me so he hurts me by hurting him. What a sad little man.

When he used to scream at me for hours I used to think about the umps lumps in Charlie and the chocolate factory because that is what he looks like.

I told my son this today and we laughed and he is going to try it.

[Surviving]

They can’t abuse us so they move on to the children. I absolutely don’t agree to shared care for any child. Especially when one parent is abusive. It’s not best for a child. Best for a child is they have one main home where they feel like home and feel safe and then go visit the other parent when they like
I have 2 older children (Detail removed by moderator) now as they can decide for themselves. They hate him but they saw everything for themselves. Their dad messages sometimes about they will know the truth one day and they say to me Mummy does he think we are stupid. We know the truth we saw it.
Men are good at manipulation. I feel for our little ones that don’t get a choice. My little one gets excited to see her dad but she don’t want to sleep there. I think that should be fait enough. But Nope. It seems I had kids to just be told by a bunch of strangers how they should be looked after. My 2 older kids told of the physical and emotional abuse so they give him shared care of the youngest. How does that work

[Iwon]

Thank God it isn’t shared custody. I have minimal contact with him thank God. When my son goes to big school I told him he can decide. I want to keep access to a minimum as he is so emotionally damaging. At least I got him to safety when he was younger rather than wait. At least he don’t have to go to much. These men are not capable of putting anyone before there needs so are dead selfish x

[MsTaken]

There’s not much we can do really. I told the authorities what he’s like and the damage he’s doing but they just say “if their not in immediate danger there’s nothing they can do”. My kids love their dad and unfortunately see his behaviour as normal, probably because I stayed with him for so long and brought them up making excuses for him so it’s my fault. But even tho they love their dad we spend many days isolated because they are not allowed friends and many nights awake because of nightmares. I do my best to support them but when they say things like “I want to go to a friends birthday party, how are we going to tell dad?” I just think omg this is ridiculous! They’re booked in to children’s mental health sessions now to help them to make up their own minds about things but he’s already started getting at them about that. He’s told them it’s another way for me to stop them from seeing him so they’re scared of talking now. Just for the record I’ve never ever stopped him from seeing them so I hate it when he says that.

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