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I’ve been free for a year and thought I was managing well but my ex has been very difficult to communicate with recently. And it has opened up a lot of old trauma wounds. I have started seeing a therapist and hope it will help me in the long run, but feeling defeated and resentful that I have to do all this work because of him.
Things have come to a head about the children as well. After seeing a Paediatrician, one of our children was prescribed medication. My ex told me that he dies not consent and that I should not give it to our child. What are even the legalities around this? I did not give the medication to my child out of fear from my ex. But this is not fair on the child who also agrees to the medication (at his level of understanding). I’m so lost and tired of co parenting with someone who is fighting everything under the pretence that he has our child’s best interests at heart 😞
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“feeling defeated and resentful that I have to do all this work because of him”
^^^ Uh-huh, I so get you there!
I suppose it depends on the condition and the treatment. I don’t have first hand experience with my ex withdrawing treatments for our children, but I have met other mums who have.
These have usually been in the case for neurodivergent children… ADHD in particular… where the child’s been prescribed ADHD medication, but the ex doesn’t believe that the child is nuerodivergent. Rather, the ex believes the child is being naughty; or else the ex believes that the child’s behaviour is because of the break-up; or else the ex believes that the child’s behaviour is because of YOUR parenting; and in this way, your ex is still trying to exact control over you and the family. And in many of those cases, if the child is asked if they would like to try the medication, the child is usually very willing to try.
Similar often happens with children who have been diagnosed with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
I have always taken the very principled stance of supporting my children with what they want to do– empowering them with autonomy over their own bodies and their life choices.
I would speak to your GP or to that Paediatrician about the situation. Sadly, it is probably not the first time they’ve encountered this sort of situation. I would also speak to any other agencies involved such as school, social services, local safe guarding board etc. and raise it as a safeguarding issue. Any medication prescribed by a Paediatrician or GP is done under strict rules and regulations that no medical professional would risk their career and reputation over.
If he’s truly fighting with the child’s best interests at heart, he would have asked that child and learned that the child agrees with taking that medication.
Also … give up on co-parenting. Parallel parenting works much better with abusers.
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