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Hello everyone,
I just wanted to share my story. I was with my ex husband for many many years, and the abuse began within (detail removed by moderator). Like most of you, I didn’t realise that because He was not hitting me that it was abuse. The abuse ranged from him telling me what to wear, telling me that I was s**m, that he’d found me in the gutter and that’s where I’d end up, that I was a gold digger etc, on at least a weekly basis, it led to him controlling me in such a way that I no longer had friends,and he caused huge tow with my sisters which led to us not speaking for (detail removed by moderator) years. He also abused me financially. He was very well off, yet I wasn’t allowed to have any money, unless I had (detail removed by moderator) when he would give me some money to buy things for myself, but I had to account for every penny with receipts, so he could see that I hadn’t spent money on my older children. He caught me smoking once, and locked me out of the house in the middle of winter, he finally said that I could get a bag of my stuff, and then took the bag from me, threw it into the (detail removed by moderator), and as I tried to retrieve it, he turned the (detail removed by moderator) and laughed as I stood crying. There where many more episodes like that, many things that still haunt me, not to mention the sexual abuse that I endured so frequently. We finally divorced (detail removed by moderator) ago, and due to the years of control, and the fact I wasn’t allowed any money for a solicitor, I just signed all the papers he handed me, which meant that I came out of the marriage with a debt of (detail removed by moderator) The man is incredibly wealthy, but left me and our son with nothing.
I finally plucked up the courage to report him to the police and he was arrested (detail removed by moderator) on suspicion of control / coercive Behavior and rape.
After finally getting statements from the (many) people who had witnessed the abuse, the case was finally sent to the police decision makers.
(Detail removed by moderator) however, I was told that the PDM would not press charges, as the abuse took place before the current law came into force.
I was devastated. He has gotten away with (detail removed by moderator) of abuse.
I’m glad that I’ve had the courage to stand up to him, but gutted that I wasn’t told this (detail removed by moderator) when this all started.
Apologies, I know this is a massive rant, I just wondered if anyone else has had similar experiences with attempting to press charges?
Sorry agin for the long message. -
As disappointed as you are, well done for going through with this. Your statement is now on record for his next victim should she need it as corroboration. There’s no time limit on the rape though so perhaps they can do something about that x if you were forced to sign those papers then talk to a solicitor about taking him back to court x you now have the police investigation to back you up so you can hit him in the wallet instead x
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Hi, thanks for the supportive response.
He already has a new GF, and she has been telling everyone who will listen that I am a liar. I know that the control has already started on her, and I am trying not to be hurt by the things that she is saying. She is much more feisty than I ever was, so I think he has been a little more subtle than he was with me.
As for taking him back to court over the settlement, it’s a huge possibility, as he altered some of the forms in his own handwriting, AFTER I had signed them. The only problem is that I couldn’t possibly afford a solicitor. I’ve already borrowed so much money from my dad to sort my finances out since the divorce. I think I need to just close the door on it, and just concentrate on my now incredibly happy life, and be happy that I finally escaped. -
Can you not qualify for legal aid? Worth investigating?
Equally the best form of revenge is going on to live your best possible life with your head held high, knowing your worth and never settling for any less than that again.
He will go on to repeat his patterns and will never be able to form a mutually beneficial emotional bond with another human.
He is a sad and selfish individual who will never find true happiness.
You have your freedom – make a brilliant life and shine! -
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