Coercive control and leaving

[Fishandchips4tea]

I want out! It’s been months and he has done everything in his power to delay me. It’s been hell.

I wanted to stay with friends he said if I did I couldn’t take our child. My mum came down to stay with me and he bullied her with messages so she had to leave. He won’t discuss anything about the separation. He agreed to buy me out but now denies it. I want to leave and rent and he’s said if I do that then I’ll have to pay half of the mortgage. I don’t earn enough, renting will cripple me but I need to escape.

Can someone really get away with keeping me prisoner like this? I found a rental and I want to go. I already know I will and I have to but I’m not sure how I will financially survive if he’s allowed to force me to pay half of the mortgage. I feel so trapped

[LightbulbMoment]

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
It sounds like a solicitor would be able to help – you can get free half hour consultations or speak to a solicitor at your local WA drop-in sessions (ring up to check).
I don’t think you can be forced to pay half the mortgage if you’re not living there but it will depend on how much you earn compared to him and if your child stays there at all.
Good luck and stay strong.
Let us know how you get on…
xx

[Mellow]

Not asking you to take my advice if you don’t want but if it was me I would just leave and I have done this and gone back all in all I should have stayed gone.i left with a small suitcase for me &my kids lucky for me I was staying in an empty house &to think it was that bad I put myself in that position I moved to an empty home with nothing but a kettle and fridge a small stove a small table no tv or decent bed sheets but you know at that point it was better than what I was enduring .when I did return I was treated worse and we did split up officially but what I endured on return wasn’t worth it he blatantly punished me cheating in my face and more.that’s enough about me cause I can feel the pain in this post I had this same feeling I just wanted to go.if it was me just go .the house is just bricks and water .sanity is better I’ve witnessed it in my life not just myself but my mother she left with a mortgage she let the house go up for sale he stopped paying it but by then she did not care she had nothing to show for it but she is now happily engaged for a new relationship travelling through world.what I’m reading from
This is you are scared to go you need to take your power back and he is showing he still has power over you with the mortgage and finances.another thing take your child do it when he’s not around it’s your child if you leave your child you will get in trouble for abandonment and he can get custody of your kid.you don’t have to do what he says stop questioning yourself do what you want to do it’s your life not his take your power back.and as for your mum if she loves you so much tell her to change her number if it was my mum he would it not be in contact with immediate family but hey that’s another thing.i wouldn’t want my ex lovers contacting my mum especially if we separated he using her as a go between or something shes
Ll end up a flying monkey

[Mellow]

Go to a refuge and just leave if it’s emergency I know this feeling very well if you look at my post when I first came on here ;not that long back last year .i wrote something similar I felt like I was dying.I had a panic attack and I’ve not been right since.the emotional abuse had an effect on my body because my ex kept saying he didn’t do anything when I found he was cheating on me and planning. Baby with someone after I had his kid I was with him a decade and I was in so much shock he lived a double life the feeling of emotional abuse like that is overwhelming and they treat you worse for leaving and they don’t care when you return.they do more to hurt you.i constantly felt confused .my hands used to shiver I think it was my nerves and I always was scared he would enter my room even though we both slept there .and don’t even talk about the rest.mine acted like things were ok sometimes and try get in bed with me and have you know what and you just feel like a shell to be used

[Author]

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