Coercive control – operation lighthouse

[Itwastimetostopit]

Just started reading this book -operation lighthouse.

Only little way in and it’s hard hitting.

I was already realising why social services were so concerned. Was only in last year that someone took me to oneside and said the controlling behaviour of my husband was not right.

At the end things were bad he wasn’t in control and he was getting worse.

At the start of relationship I was too young. There were times he hit me during arguments.
These memories are coming back at me. He was really intimidating.

Over years that stopped but the controlling didnt,

To me over years I viewed domestic abuse as physical.

I am now learning the true nature of coercive control and how much I was in it.
Some things became so normal it’s scary.

I am now out but he still trying to control through children.
I am lucky to have social services support and other services. At first was heavy but I am so grateful now.

Before I felt so stuck waiting for kids to be old enough. I felt I had to stay as a family for them.
But that wasn’t good for them.

I’m out got a long way to go I feel before I can feel free.

[Shipoffools]

Hi Itwastimetostop,

My DV relationship sounds very much like yours except the violence came in the last few years. But he was always intimidating.

I never reported my DV during the relationship. I had support afterwards. I did the Freedom Programme with a local women’s DV support group about (detail removed by moderator) months after I’d fled my ex, I realised then all the different types of abuse that was being used on me by my ex. Can you believe up until that point I’d still been questioning myself as to if I really had been in a DV relationship….!!! Knowledge is power….

Keep reading, all the best xx

[Itwastimetostopit]

Shipoffools,

I’m just doing freedom program now. And if being honest it’s hit how much I recognise how he was.
I cried for days after first session

I’ve had people telling me it was wrong and I know I was at rock bottom with it all. But spent years conditioned to things being his way. The violence was coming back as he knew was losing control.

Knowledge is power but at moment it coming with a lot of emotions and memories.

[Author]

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