- This topic has 11 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I Left my husband a while ago and have been working on healing and getting stronger. I feel like I might be able to go through with making a police report. I have spoken with a police officer and they have explained the process. I am now really scared about what might happen if I make the statement. I have lots of evidence of what I went through and how it affected me. I just don’t know whether I can cope with the stress of a court case.
I recently saw him with his new girlfriend and she looked so timid and vulnerable. I want her to know the truth about what her future with him might be like. I would never contact her directly.Has anyone been through the process of seeking prosecution for their abuser? Do you regret the decision to go down that road?
Right now my life is relatively peaceful and although the divorce is not finalised due to finances being complicated, I don’t have to think about him much.
Any advice?
-
Making a police statement is a very long way from anyone actually being prosecuted. Most things don’t get to court. It’s worth reporting incidents of abuse in whatever form. Unwanted sexual contact is better known as rape. It’s incredibly difficult to prove. Again, coercive control is very difficult to get enough concrete evidence.
The law is still remarkably patriarchal and misogynistic. It’s worth reporting to the police. You won’t be the only person he’s abusing, and sometimes people are triggered into reporting stuff.
-
Hi Veryconfused,
It sounds like I was in a really similar situation. I had been separated a while, no contact, re-building my life etc. however, I discovered through the grapevine that he went on to abuse the woman after me. Apparently one particularly bad episode was witnessed by her small child and left her terrified. This woman left him and reported him to the police. He’s now got another woman who clearly is at significant risk. It was this combination of circumstances that made me feel I should report him to the police even after the time that had passed. I gave my statement a couple of weeks ago and felt immediate relief. The officers were incredibly supportive- didn’t rush me and I felt they believed me. Enquiries are on-going…I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find this process stressful, because I do. It’s very stressful but it’s a different kind of stress – my gut is saying it’s the right thing. Id obviously rather have nothing more to do and get on with building my life back but I’ve struggled with guilt knowing he abused the woman after me (what if I’d reported sooner) and my heart feels very heavy when I think of this new woman. Ultimately, he needs stopped . Men like this need stopped. And I believe the best way is through the police. Good luck with everything x
-
-
I am going through this process. I think it is worth it, though it is incredibly hard. I had no choice, unfortunately as things got so bad.
Like Weemebreeze mentioned – these men need to be stopped. I have the chance to help in that regard. I’m aware I’m not the only woman mine has abused. The thought of him doing this to further women is a big motivating factor. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through with him.
-
-
-
Hello
So sorry your going through just a difficult time. I’m in the process of doing a statement. The abuse I received was emotional m/psychological & coercion . May I ask is yours the same ?.-
-
veryconfused –
When I have thoughts like that I try to reframe them.
I remind myself that my abuser never cared about me like that when he was putting me and our child through the abuse. He knowingly and willingly made our lives hell. If he thought of me like that or with any concern then he’d have never abused me in the first place.
So then I think… why shouldn’t I follow through on what is a legal process in place for people to be held accountable for their abusive actions?
We are not putting them through anything. They put themselves in that position when they chose to abuse us!
-
Hello
It’s extremely difficult I know, I felt exactly the same, I think it may be due to the fact that we are decent human beings that would never inflict harm on to others, also may be Conflicting feelings arise as we remember some good bits & hold on to that. But we have to remember, healthy love does not involve any abuse whatsoever, that what I focus on. Why should he be allowed to treat you dispicably ?!, there’s no excuses, abuse is a choice. Do it for you. My ex instigated me leaving my job, I was isolated for (detail removed by Moderator), he made me homeless purposely by ringing the police falsely accusing me after I ended the relationship, the house is in his sole name, the police will act & he new that. I have nothing, no job, no friends & no support. I’m definitely doing the statement, for me, the police should know about these people, or they will continue to do it to others. Hope this helps x*x
-
-
The first time of making a statement is so full of anxiety. There’s so much not knowing, and so much doubt. Hopefully you’ll be appointed an IDVA or ISVA who’ll be able to guide you towards appropriate help.
I’m really sorry if I sounded blasé about it. When I first reported my ex, I was terrified. These days, I’m not.
It took me about 20 years to report a rape by someone other than my ex husband. I’m glad I did it because I know I’m not the only one. The same with my ex.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
