Communication

[Orchid reads]

Hi,

I’m starting a new topic, my last topic was about how my husband was insecure and if that is abusive.

This topic is about communication.

I wanted to make a new topic because it’s a specific problem. It sounds so benign but I need to clear things up if I can and talk about it.

So my husband seems to affect me in a way that I feel like I have done something wrong. He will sigh when he is unhappy about something, when he does this I get a physical reaction. I feel I have done something wrong. He also sometimes makes a disapproving face and again I feel I said or did something wrong, sometimes I will say what’s wrong? And he will tell me it’s an email he received or something.

I am worried that I feel so disconnected with him that I no longer understand what he is communicating with his sighs or unhappy faces, I instantly just feel I did something wrong. When at a social event and I am chatting with someone he might make a disapproving face at me and I instantly think I said something that I shouldn’t be saying. In hindsight maybe he was just listening to the context of what I was saying and he was just reacting to it in a sympathetic way and I am misreading.

I don’t think I can add specific examples here because I guess they will be removed. Only when he sighs I react immediately it’s almost as if I will shoot out of my chair and go to him and ask what is wrong or I will make up in my mind what I think is wrong and do an action to help it  like change my shoes to an other shoes or rewash the dishes, I’m not sure I have done this particular thing it’s allot more subtle but I can’t lie that this sort of action would not cross my mind or that I would ask him if that is what he wants me to do.

Anyway,

I wanted this topic to be precise about one element and not go on a tangent, I want to discuss one thing at a time, maybe get feedback then come up with my own conclusion.

If anyone has any questions which can clear up what I am saying that would be helpful too so I know I am making sense.

 

[minimeerkat]

its whether it is a communication problem (lack of).  is this your partners main way of communicating (sighs/facial expressions) & are you therefore left having to guess how he feels.  do you feel that if your partner was more open about whatever was troubling him is what you need to calm your thoughts.  are you always able to talk to your partner about these things you are picking up on.  or has there been a reaction at times that has made you feel wary of bringing these things up.  if there has been reassurance most of the time then its whether you are being hypervigilant/anxious/insecure because of something in your past.  when our bodies actually react to things i think its important to get to the bottom of why this is happening

i know some forms of abuse are extremely subtle & you can end up walking on eggshells sometimes not even knowing why.  so its difficult.  do you only have these thoughts/feelings when you are with your partner & are you more relaxed around others – if it something you feel with a lot of people then it could perhaps be a fear you have always had which you could then explore

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