Compassion

[Yellowfrog]

Apparently I need to give compassion to the abuser. The abuser is a family member.

I should offer them help and support this person. This person has intimidated , gaslighted, doesn’t acknowledge me and lies.

Doesn’t respect my boundaries and continually triggers my ptsd.

How can I feel validated when this advice was given by another family member.

Do I cut ties ?

[minimeerkat]

its completely understandable if you are feeling upset or angry about this request because it doesnt acknowledge your experience with this person at all – its almost like asking you to forget whatever pain you are feeling so that everyone else is happy.  if its a dysfunctional family in any way then everyone has a role to play & nothing must prevent this continuing.  and sometimes you can actually be made a scapegoat as punishment if you stand up for yourself & speak the truth

i am sorry you are feeling pressured into doing something that will benefit everyone else involved but you have to do what feels right for you – your mental health is extremely important.  and it must be troubling you deeply to realize how your familys wants & needs are considered much more important than yours

i suppose it might be possible to feel this compassion at some point in the future but it will hopefully be when you have healed enough & are away from them or at least have the safety of very strong boundaries in place – even if you are able to understand why someone has behaved the way they have it would still never justify or be an excuse for their abusive behaviour x

[Yellowfrog]

Thank you for reply since I posted I did cut ties with them and my I feel a sense of relief that I’m not carrying that anymore. Wow I never thought cutting them out would have such a freedom.

However I still live with my abuser and some days they acknowledge and take accountability and others they play stupid . I just want life to be livable

[Author]

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