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I am finally trying to sit down and write my complaint. It’s a task I’ve been dreading for a number of reasons. One of the main reasons is that I am pessimistic that my University will consider my complaint. I have been advised that the operation of private relationships between individuals who happened to be students are not within their remit. It is therefore up to me to demonstrate what’s called University context for the policy on harassment to be applied. This means that events had to have happened on university or college premises (which they did) and/or have occurred in the course of university activity which includes academic, sporting, social, cultural, or other. I’ve been told by various people that it’s unlikely they will hear my complaint which distresses me deeply, especially as he has (detail removed by moderator) which puts him in a position of trust and power.
I know I’m really going to justify the University context and why they need to act but I really have no idea how to do this. We were obviously in a private relationship but everything that happened (the gaslighting, the pregnancy etc) happened whilst we were living. They talk about a zero tolerance on sexual violence but apparently not if it was a private relationship. I think the idea that sexual violence only happens in a dark alleyway or in common rooms is narrow and ignorant view of what sexual violence is. I notice Universities have been in the media for failing on this issue so I’m so I feel defeated before I start. I don’t know if anyone has an opinion as to whether they think it sounds hopeless or how I can argue robustly for them to hear my case. I think the safeguarding issue is significant (he also has a social media account with his professional details as I mentioned before in which he has expressed his sexual preferences and practices – many of them revealing of his attitude towards women, i.e. dominating, power).
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id go to regulatory body of the universities of the UK – i think you need back up plus womens aid would probably liase too. ive had a look they do have to uphold their principles and your health has suffered here because of his abuse off power. it is dv but id say (if they dont address this) institutional bullying and discrimination xxxx sex inequality act
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If you spoke to any staff about it – how did they respond, was it helpful/unhelpful. Would it have helped to have known where to go / who to go to with this problem? Did he utilise any activity in University to get to you / harrass you; were there any humilating incidents. What are the uni policies you need; dignity act? Is his social media breeching policy; yes draw from other stories in the press. Were there any incidents in uni where uni policies were breeched – did anyone turn a blind eye or join in staff or students.
Would it help to start off writing to the uni about what it is you are angry with them about? How did they let you down? Just for your own purpose, a letter not to send, just to get it all out – then maybe you can pull out the bits you can use / need? x
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Does your university have Harrassment Advisors or similar? Or anything equivalent within the students union? I’d recommend consulting them if you haven’t already. When I was a student the SU president actually wrote a letter on my behalf to my course director when he said a problem I was facing was not something that the university had to address. They may be able to help you to write the letter or review a draft.
When you write the letter be explicitly clear about (a) what happened, (b) where, (c) when, (d) why this contravenes university rules, (e) what you want them to do, and by when. For (e) it doesn’t need to be prescriptive it can just be initiate disciplinary proceedings, investigate, write to you with what they’re going to do, etc.
It’s also worth highlighting to them why it’s a broader problem for the university ie the social media stuff, any influence by positions he holds, risk to other students.
Try to keep at as unemotional, factual and concise as possible.
Sorry if that’s all stuff you’ve already considered…
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