Confused

[Anon456]

I’m confused about my feelings. After a long marriage I left and since then in a short space of time I was bombarded with text messages and voicemails. They started off really nasty, then went to him missing me, then threatening suicide, then threatening again. The police are involved now and I had to record the voicemails, listening to him has made me feel guilty and upset and that it’s got out of hand, deep down I know it’s irrational because even the police say he sounds insincere but still it sounds normal to me and to be honest it’s breaking me. The police have decided to take it out of my hands. Why do I feel so guilty?

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Hi Anon456, it’s completely normal to feel guilty because you are a normal person with compassion who wants to find a peaceful solution to problems and move forward.

That is you. And your feeling of guilt are an expression of who you are.
Despite the fact that he is the abusive one and has probably put you through all kinds of horrible experiences, he isn’t feeling any guilt.

That it him, and that is an expression of who he is.

You may notice that this cycle that you have begun to see, continues to repeat itself over and over. This is the cycle of abuse. You feeling guilty is a really important part of that to him because he can manipulate you with those feelings.
most of the women on this forum will have experienced this, you’re not alone. Let the police do their thing, they only do it if they think it’s serious and they can prove it. Help them as much as you can.

Consequences are the only thing that stops abusers.

[Anon456]

Thank you for your kind words x

[Lisa]

Hi Anon456,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Anon456]

Thanks Lisa x

[Skitty]

I understand how you feel. Abusers manipulate your feelings because it gives them power. Try and remember he has been pulling your strings successfully for a long time, so the guilt will be there for a bit. As you stand back and analyse things you will be able to use your logic to work out that it is not your fault and you do not need to be responsible for him emotionally. I have had the suicide, poor me, I can’t live without you rubbish. It is just emotional blackmail. Be strong and the guilt will fade.

 

[Anon456]

It’s strange mixture of feelings all at once. Thank you for posting about your own experience it gives me hope that these feelings will fade over time.

[Author]

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