Confused again, is it really abuse?

[iliketea]

So confused, have an case worker, assessed as high risk since last year, planning an exit, been seeing a counsellor BUT in the last few days both a friend’s husband and my partner’s sister have given him glowing character references and left me feeling like am I making this all up.

They were so convincing, the friends (removed by moderator) said he knew where our youngest got his character from, his dad, he’s so laid back and chilled and happy… Then his sister sent me a 7 minute message going on and on about what a good guy he is and how kind he is and that the reason our relationship isn’t very good (Id left her a message saying I was worried about him, he won’t stop shouting and being horrible to me but to no-one else…) is because it started out badly. (removed by moderator) I couldn’t believe it, and its a load of rubbish anyway because he didnt support me, he was nowhere to be seen, he got made redundant at the same time and me and my mum ended up supporting him! He’s never supported me emotionally and Ive been through a lot in the time we’ve been together, (removed by moderator). Every single time he seems to manage to trump the drama, bring something else to do with him, and never ever supports me.

I’m so upset by both these people. I’m so exhausted. Its so exhausting living with emotional abuse. I can’t think straight by the end of the day. I’m left wondering is it really me? How is anyone going to believe me? My mental health is really suffering.

I’m seeing a solicitor in a few weeks to talk about non-mol and occupation orders but now I’m wondering if they’ll even believe me… Ive got 102 recordings since last May…they’re all horrible, will they believe me? I feel like running away, Im not sure I can cope much longer. But have young children. I can’t leave without them, but I have nowhere to go, no job, no car. Im totally trapped.

[Overcome]

Hugs to you, big ones.

It’s never easy when we feel like we aren’t believed and everyone else is taking the abusers side. The problem is that these men are experts at manipulation, they wouldn’t be able to get away with this for so long of they weren’t!

I have been struggling with a similar situation, and watching you tube videos on surviving emotional abuse has really helped me. I am trying to remind myself that I have nothing to prove to anybody else, the truth has a way of revealing itself in good time, and I am a big believer in karma. This helps me get through my darkest hours. I hope this could help you too x

[PurpleHedgehog]

Huge hugs lady. I too am suffering from a fog. Lots of people think my husband is amazing and it causes me to doubt myself.

I am going to try journaling things so I can see clearly. You have the recordings so you KNOW the truth. It is so hard to keep a clear head when everyone around you sees something different.

I keep reminding myself of the fairy tale “The Enperors New Clothes” it only took one little boy to point out the truth and everyone else felt proper wallies. They could see it when the stopped believing the lies that they chose to believe.

Be that voice. Use the support you have here.

Bug hugs x

[siba]

Just remember that these men are the masters of manipulation and they know what they’re doing is wrong. They’re the nicest person on earth in front of everyone else, they treat you well in front of other people, yet behind closed doors they’re totally different to you. That’s why these other people genuinely think he’s a nice guy (that’s all they see) and you have to accept that from their perspective he is. The fact that he abuses you in private is evidence that he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Try to not let other people’s opinions effect you – they’ve never seen the version of him that you’ve seen and it’s not your responsibility to convince them. Your responsibility is to yourself to get your life and happiness back x*x

[KIP.]

Yes they will believe you and you have evidence to back up what you say. It’s really hard because he’s probably told you no one will believe you etc. You know the truth. You lived the truth, not them. For ages I was consumed by people believing me, validating me. But that’s the abuse and lack of confidence. Now I hold my head high and tell my story and if it’s not believed than that not my fault, it’s ignorance although I can tell you that not one person actually doubted my story, and it was quite incredible what he did to me but I told the truth and stood my ground and you should too. Power to you x

[iliketea]

Thanks a lot for your messages. Its so hard though. He’s sitting there now with the children, life and soul, every now and again, barking nastiness at me but then changing his face, his voice, everything for them… They’re looking at me wondering whats wrong, why is mummy looking sad. Prospect of a whole weekend of this is hard. Its bullying isnt it? How do you function? How do you deal with this? If I respond he accuses me of arguing, if I say anything about anything else he gas lights me, not allowed to speak. Im so tired. Sometimes wonder is it easier just to go, runaway from everything.

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