Constant hurt

[Cantmakedecisons]

I left a while ago and I’m in the process of divorce. I tried to be amicable and keep it as nice as possible but he won’t let that happen. He still wants to punish me, make my life a misery.

I feel like I’ve come so far BUT also that I’m still living under his control. I can’t go out or do normal things. Every opportunity he gets he physically hurts me.

The trauma bond has been so hard to shift and eventually after resisting the no contact thing I had to. It’s been (detail removed by moderator) without seeing him (planned) to hand over my child. His been to the house at night making a nuisance of himself and scaring me.

He knows I’m petrified of him and he used that to destroy me. I think he may even enjoy it!

So yes, I’ve left which took me (detail removed by moderator) but I feel like I’m stuck the the mud and sinking. (Detail removed by moderator) he saw me (detail removed by moderator) approached me and grabbed me so hard he left me bruised and in pain again. Many job requires me to be able to function my arms and it’s been horrible trying to push through the pain and hide away the evidence of his actions.

I just want a normal life, I don’t ask for much.. just one I look forward to coming home to, some compassion and love – although I’m not sure I know what that is for real.

[Scarecrow]

Hey Cantmakedecisions,

Firstly, please accept a virtual hug from me, i have a feeling that you need it.

Secondly,I could have written quite a bit of your post so i have some idea of where you are coming from. I tried to keep things amicable as well when my relationship ended but it would never have worked. He used whatever fuel he could get from me – positive or negative and he fed off of our interaction. In the end i have had to go very minimal contact (we have kids) and i cannot tell you how much better my life is.

Do you have support? Family, friends, social worker, police? You have done the hardest thing by leaving – if you can do that then you can do the next steps. Have you considered reporting him to the police? Or even finding a solicitor who offers 30mins free consultation – even The Citizens Advice? You could get a non-molestation order or restraining order to keep him away from you.

Please feel free to PM me if you need a chat at any point. Stay strong and remember that you can do this xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks Scarecrow. I have support from the lovely ladies on here, unfortunately I haven’t been able to confide with my family so that’s been hard. I do have an IDVA as well.
I have assigned a solicitor to help me reach with the divorce. I’m hoping by the divorce going through things will calm down and he will leave me alone. I’m sure what to do if he doesn’t. One thing at a time.

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