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Demanding detailed information of child’s GP. Fully understand he is entitled to know about our child’s medical information and information is sent regularly via email. However I am really anxious about him gaining appointment information as he is likely to turn up and intimidate me and he will use his entitlement to justify his presence. This is in retaliation to my formal request for no contact. Is there anything I can do to stop him or shall I just cross that bridge if and when I get to it?
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I have only been in this situation in regard to school appointments. I don’t know if your child has ongoing health issues? But the right to be involved in decisions and have information is for significant stuff I would have thought, not just routine trips for check ups or short term illnesses, etc. It’s obstructive for him to get in the way of your child accessing GP appointments with you, under the circumstances his abusive behaviour has put you in, whereby you need to be able to function as a parent without contact to protect yourself from ongoing abuse. With school, I always made separate appointments, ie. I had my parents evening meeting, then scheduled a second one for him, which I then attended with him (meaning I had to suffer with his aggressiveness and complete lack of understanding about his own child (it doesn’t take much for him to fly off the handle at me and I didn’t have to do any of this it was just the way I was handling it at the time but really it was too stressful and he clearly saw it as an opportunity to be in my life and world again and continue to abuse me). Anyway, none of this helps you. You have a right to make a visit to GP with child without him making a controversy out of it. He can contact GP for info independently of you. I do think abusive ex’s will try to let us think we ‘owe’ them much more than we do. (my daughter’s father used to ring me up saying: you HAVE to tell me this, you HAVE to tell me that; but I’m thinking: no I don’t, you’ve got it wrong, I don’t owe you any of that, it’s up to you). it’s not possible to sit together with abusive ex about anything, in my experience, without them looking to turn an issue into a personal attack or blame on us. Refuse to engage with him if he turns up. Staff at GP surgery will have to deal with him, not you or your child. When anyone leaves an abusive relationship, we should be entitled to cease all contact, whether parenting a child or not. It should be a basic human right and schools, gp’s etc should have processes for dealing with parents separately: they need to pull their professional finger out. In other words, if he wants to try to harass them, they need to know what he is entitled to know but forcing himself on you both by misusing his right to be kept informed and involved in CERTAIN decisions is another matter. Remember, he is not entitled to interfere in ‘everyday’ matters that you undertake as a parent with your child.
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He’s using anything he can to try to make you feel that no contact with him would be impossible or wrong.
My ex tried to tell the court that I needed to be in touch with him to co-parent, as I needed to inform him of parents’ evening dates etc and attend with him. Err, no! Even the court told him to call the school to ask them to forward him all the information and make his own appointments.
Your ex thinks he is being clever, because he thinks that a GP appointment is one situation where you couldn’ t deny his presence. But the truth is, these abusers never attended those appointments for their kids anyway, and what child goes to an appointment with two parents in tow? Not many!
I would go and have a private word with your GP and explain the no contact situation, so your ex can be informed that he will be updated on anything if he calls them. There is no reason why you need to go to GP appointments with your ex there too- you are a responsible adult with parental responsibility.
They really are desperate bullies.
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