Coping with triggers

[Lucy22]

I have been separated from my abusive ex for a few months now, and though I’m free physically in my head I don’t feel free. He is always there in the back of my mind.

Lately I’m finding that I’m highly sensitive to anything that triggers me to think about the past with my ex. Even just thinking about specific time periods makes me feel like I’m back there and reliving the emotions from that time.

I’ve made a new friend and when talking about normal topics for example video games, because I played them with my ex or have memories about them involving my ex I feel slightly panicky, slightly dizzy, a bit nauseous. I don’t know how I can even have a normal conversation anymore without having to simultaneously suppress all of those negative emotions and pretend to look okay, then go to the bathroom and have a little cry until it passes.

Specifically I was talking about (detail removed by Moderator) with my friend and what we enjoyed about it, but because when I played it it was during a time period where my ex’s emotional/verbal abuse was very bad, and he began to get more physically abusive, and he jokingly though fully seriously banned me from the living room whilst he played the game the first time, I began to feel as I said, slightly panicky, slightly dizzy, a bit nauseous, like I was back there. Even though objectively my own play through of (detail removed by Moderator) was fine, it was what happened in the time around it that set me off feeling like it was (timeframe removed by Moderator) with all the intense emotions from back then.

I don’t know how to continue like this when seemingly every even slightly negative memory involving him sets me off, when I can’t have normal conversations without feeling like this. I feel like I’m being pathetic.

Am I the only one who feels like this?

[Tian]

Hi Lucy,

 

I’m sorry you are feeling this way, but it’s normal, at least if my experience is anything to go by. It took a year before I didn’t get a panic attack at the sight of swans (don’t ask), and conversations with people who didn’t know my background were very difficult during this period.

It wore off during the second year, though I can only relate to new people by marking off large areas of my past as “I don’t talk about that anymore”.

I think we need to give ourselves a lot of time and understanding.

 

Hope this helps, virtual hug

[Author]

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