Could I be in the wrong ?

[Caledonia6]

I feel so confused.
I am thinking of leaving but having so many conflicting thoughts. We’ve had times where he’s been a shoulder for me to cry on, I’ve trusted him with personal things, he’s been a good listener and generous. This same person has also threatened to hit me twice once in the face with his (detail removed by Moderator).
Has hit me in the (detail removed by Moderator) twice during an argument etc.
He’s also very vocal about despising men that hit women !!! What is that all about ?
I also feel bad because I have sent him some less than nice texts so I blame myself for that.
Am I the problem ?

[minimeerkat]

sadly, as many women on here will know our partners can when it suits them (normally in the very early days of the relationship or whenever they sense any loss of control) appear be a ‘soul mate’ – for example loving, comforting, understanding & supportive
but the trouble is that we always remember these times when they were ‘wonderful’, resulting in us excusing them for any abuse they continue to dish out & always hoping the ‘soul mate’ will appear again – and be more permanent
i read the other day that it sometimes helps to not think of the person actually being ‘someone good with some bad behaviour’ but ‘someone bad with some good behaviour’ – because the good is only shown to manipulate us
i also had a partner who, after learning a neighbour was being abusive towards his wife wanted to go to their home & kick the …t out of the guy!!??! how confusing is that when they are doing exactly the same thing themselves to their own partner! at the time this was incredibly confusing for me but looking back it is a clever way of gaslighting you & making you severely doubt your own reality
please do not feel bad about any texts you have sent, its is so natural for us to react to any of their provocation or abuse – you are only human & have done nothing wrong at all x

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