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Yes, helped me no end; has to be the right time and has to be the right therapist for you. There are questions you need to ask to establish if the therapist is right for you on the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) website under ‘how to choose a therpist’. They often don’t tell you that you have a choice in the NHS, they simply allocate you someone, then when a mismatch occurs, folk just think therapy is not for me, rather than seeing it was the therapist that wasn’t a good match. You can ask to try someone else if it doesn’t feel right and your not satisfied your questions have been answered.
It’s important to trust your gut feelings, which sadly are a bit kaput hey, but it has to feel right for you every step of the way in therapy.
Take your time and see what else is avalable to you, see if there are any womens charities in the area and see what they offer. Of course if you can afford to pay for private sessions (25-70 per hr) your choices increase, re time you go, you can choose someone with a wealth of experience, see him/her for as long as you need – not always an option for people I know, but if you can afford it, once you find the right therapist, you will be happy to pay for her/him as you start to feel it is helpful and needed. Investing in yourself in this way can also feel good.
It is also important your therapist has a good understanding of the issues – the issues that have motivated you to seek help, e.g. trauma, domestic abuse. Please establish with the therapist if they have had experience in trauma work for 2 or more years if this is what you are seeking help for. If not, ask for someone who has.
Please note that although the therapist may be trained to see you for anxiety and depression, this does not mean they are familiar with the complexities in abuse, and if they do not have this understanding / training, you are at risk of feeling misunderstood and of walking away feeling a bit bruised. A few questions to establish this in the beginning is needed.
If you are seeking NHS help to aleviate anxiety in the here and now only, or change negative thinking, and wish to establish a strategy that helps you to stop the spiralling, you feeling out of control, then 6-10 sessions of CBT may be helpful to you; if this is the sole purpose / the only focus / the goal for the work.
They also offer trauma therapy if this is what you need.
I stongly suggest you do a bit of reading on the net re ‘how to choose your therapist’, will make a big difference if you do x
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I had CBT initially to help me be more functional with my business and with my anxiety as i was having difficulty just being out and about.
fast forward some time and i feel ready to deal with the more intricate trauma based side of it all, although I attended the freedom programme and I have made peace with the fact that it wasn’t my fault and i did nothing wrong etc. there are other factors that i needed time to get my head around and process as well.
im certain i was victim to stockholm syndrome, and other mentally manipulative controls, and these are taking time to wiggle out and process, i still find myself following instructions by his way etc even though in the grand scheme of things we were only together a very short amount of time. Its things like this i want to be able to take hold of and deal with now.the key with counselling is knowing what you want to deal with and what you want your ideal outcome to be after the sessions. it needs to be productive, its hard to see yourself as a person when they can approach you so clinically but its for a good reason.
If you dont have a goal or a something to head towards then you can go round in circles pointlessly.
ie my CBT goals were to be able to hold my head high and not worry about being watched by passing cars, and regain some focus on my work. -
How do I get counciling? I had counciling while I was with my ex and then session ended after I got a non molestation order. I’ve had no contact, but I’m living in fear! I don’t go unless to work, if I do have to go out I have anxiety and panic attacks at night I have nightmares, and I think about him all the time and find myself having made up conversations to him in my head of what I will say if he comes near me. I don’t really see anyone as I stay in as scared I’ll see him or his friends. I cry a lot and I’m not sleeping to well. The counciling service I had before was not directed to domestic abuse but it help as I had someone to talk to who I new wouldn’t judge me, but now I feel I need some again but been told they can’t give me counciling as you have to have a six month break. I can’t afford to pay privately as I’m trying to recover financially from him. How can I access help? Who do I turn to? I’m on waiting list for freedom project but that’s not for months and months before next ones start. I need help now 🥺
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Dear I.dont.know and Warmsea
GPs are there to support you, which absolutely includes talking therapy/trauma therapy.
It has to be non-judgemental as you say as a minimum. Its their rule that you muat have a six month break, and it doesnt apply where you need longer term therapy. If you’ve have short term counselling then you been offered the wro g treatment a trauma cannot be resolved in a six session counselling package. Thats absolutely preposterous to be offered and shows a comolete lack of understanding of the issues.
It also has to be trauma focussed, and very very gentle and slow, at your pace, feeling kind and supportive. If it doesnt then its no good.
DA is so complex, and many, even those youd expect to, or claim to, dont really get it. To help they really must.
Also local charities may be near you offering tuerapy. Especially local WA, and rape crisis, also Mind.
Keep searching, and if unsuccessful raise it with your mp that local services are insufficient to help the community they serve
I know of areas where there are ni female psychiatrists or psychologists, which is hopeless for all the women who are suffering trauma from men.
Do keep posting here and reading and reaching out to anywhere you can,even if you dont get what you need do keep going.
I really hope you can both find something soon
Warmest wishes
TS
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