Crying my eyes out

[Lilachummingbird]

Crying my eyes out. Had such a bad (timeframe removed by Moderator) with him.. he shoved me against a wall the other day and just in general had an awful (timeframe removed by Moderator). He then said he was leaving me I was crying my eyes out standing in front of the door to stop him leaving. He said he would hit me if he had to but that I was being the aggressor by not letting him leave unless he hit me. I never said I wanted him to hit me. He pushed me and nipped me until I moved. Am I in the wrong? I’m in hysterics

[Lisa]

Hi Lilachummingbird,

Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry to hear about what you have been through, it sounds very distressing for you. You haven’t done anything to cause his behaviour and you are not in the wrong. He is choosing to act this way rather than behave respectfully and in a supportive way. I hope it has helped to post here, do let us know how you are when you can. There is support and understanding here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Lilachummingbird]

Thanks Lisa. I called a DV helpline that night and the woman was so unhelpful it’s put me off calling anyone again. She was quite blunt and told me his behaviour was dangerous and that he is setting me up by calling me the aggressor and that if he had called the police when I was crying my eyes out he would say I was mentally unstable and that they would arrest me. It’s made me scared that I can’t say anything back or get upset again

[Lisa]

Hi Lilachummingbird,

Thank you for sharing with us. Just to say I have sent you a private message.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Marmalade]

Hi Lilachummingbird,

That’s very unusual advice from a DV helpline. Was it a proper helpline for a recognised charity? (Don’t say the name as that is too identifying).

If it was and she gave you that advice then maybe you said something that concerned her. Obviously you can’t give too much detail on a public forum like this but you need to give full details to organisations who can help you. It may have been the fact that you say you were preventing him from leaving or maybe something else you said to her that worried her.

Don’t let it put you off seeking help. The livechat on the WomensAid main site is very helpful. They can signpost you to local help and advice in your area. Good luck with obtaining the advice and help you need.

[swanlake]

I’m sorry to hear about your experience on the helpline. I’ve had mixed experiences when seeking support, including people getting angry on my behalf!

I’ve got angry and shouted at my abuser in the past before I decided no more contact was the way forward for me. Abusive people are so manipulative of our emotions. Although they claim that we ‘make’ them angry, in reality they are always in control of their own emotions and choose to behave as they do. And their behaviour is designed to make us react in certain ways.

[Author]

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