Cutting financial ties

[Emptyshell1]

Hi

I left my ex (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago and took my children after doing a domestic abuse awareness training course at work and realising something wasn’t right they way he treated me and I was making excuses for him. It was like listening to my own life with what they were saying.

Since leaving things got worse and my ex has now managed to alienate me from my children.

He now has taken me for child maintenance payments which he uses to financially abuse. When he chases me to pay earlier than date set then when I refuse texts me to say no wonder my kids don’t want anything to do with me.  And no I’m not complaining about paying maintenance they are my kids but I offered some money previously and he refused to take my money. It’s game after game with him.

He won’t sign a financial consent order because I won’t change the child maintenance date etc. And child maintenance won’t listen that I dint actually get a choice to see them even though I had them 50/50 prior to (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago when this kicked off.

The police have it reported for coercive control towards me.

I don’t know what else to do. I have been told it’s financial abuse.

I know due to kids ages there is nothing more I can do as courts would take into consideration their ages and what they want and right now is to stay at their dads.

(legal detail removed by Moderator)

I can’t do mediation he terrifies me.

Any help you can give would be great. Has anyone else had all this. It’s draining.

[iliketea]

Hi, I’m really sorry you’re going through this – it is not easy – I have had the same with the CMS, its one of the last places they feel they have control over you and they will do all they can to mess with it.   On top of which the CMS is terrible and will absolutely listen to men, I don’t know why this is, and it needs to change. I have an incredible amount owing, due to him continuing to mess with the system.  Have you tried Surviving Economic Abuse, they have a lot of helpful advice on this.  I would say that the most important thing is not to make any arrangements between the two of you as it opens the way for abuse like this.  If the financial order is part of the divorce process can you get a solicitor involved which would speed it up, if he still refuses then you can apply for a costs order on top of a requirement for him to sign all relevant documents asap, this means he will have to pay all costs too.  There is no requirement to do mediation if there is abuse involved so don’t even think about it.  It is all really draining. Oh yes, also, in the Family Court, they consider the child maintenance service as a completely separate body (which of course it is) from the legislative body of the family court, so he cannot use that as a bargaining tool. Again, if this is not through the CMS, then put it through the CMS so it separates it out and loosens the grip he currently has over you. I am so sorry about the children, the hope is that when they are older and have more life experience they will see him for what he is and who he is as leopards never change their spots.
(removed by Moderator). Once you get your head around what drives them it all falls into place. They love the game basically, they love the interaction, and it is all about winning. The game you have to play is to disengage as soon and as fast as is possible. Sending you support through this. You’ll get there. Look how far you’ve come already. Loads of self care too to make sure you are mentally strong enough to get through this.  Eat and sleep as well as is possible. Its like preparing for a marathon, mind and body needs to be in the best possible shape as possible. “This too will pass”. xx

 

[iliketea]

Just to say I recommended a couple of books that are very insightful and educational but sadly they’ve been moderated out. Who knows why as the reason given was totally unfounded. There used to be an amazing thread of book recommendations – to delete that sort of thing seems to be pretty controlling of WA but hey seems to be the way the world is going. Surely women can make their own minds up about a book recommendation 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️Dm if you’d like to know the titles.

[StrongLife]

I understand all of this. Mediation scared me and I refused to go just in case he followed me home etc.

 

Sorry you are going through all of this.

[Author]

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