Dad does not make effort to see his children .

[Bubblegum]

Has anyone experienced an abusiver ex that does not make an effort seeing there own Children ? I read a lot about how there Ex parntners play games with there kids to get at Ex partner etc .I split up with my Ex quite a few years ago now .Due to his behaviour he never seen his kids on his own .It was usually through third party he was happy making fuss putting proud dad photos on social media etc but never properly looked after his kids not even some time .Looking vackni think he only wanted to see his kids to see what I was up to and Wind me up etc .Hense why I never moved on with another partner .Recent months his behaviour cane to ahead police were involved and I went complete no contact .Id tried so many times over years gave him chances to see his kids only for him to throw it back at me .So over last few months there has been no attempt at all him seeing his kids .He has a fairly new partner so he’s probably busy with her .I feel so much better without having to deal with him often talk to my kids .At moment they seem ok there used to There Dad not really being around anyway .I know I’m doing right thing but now again it does sadden me how someone can totally cut themselves off from there own flesh blood .He has also stopped paying maintenance as he does not get to see his kids .Quite a few years ago he had another child with someone else but he never bothered wanting to get to know his first child .The child is now grown up and does not see my Ex at all .To me looks like he is doing same with our children .My Ex is also making out Ive stopped him from seeing his kids but due to his behaviour the police have told him if he wants to see his kids he needs now to go through the correct channels to do so .

[Bubblegum]

My Ex had his first child before meeting me .

[Escaped not free]

My ex has to be forced to see his children whilst telling everyone he is stopped from seeing them by me. My eldest now has the measure of him and can’t stand him, nothing to do with me as I’ve always promoted a relationship with their father, but he said to me a few weeks ago that he thinks he knows what’s wrong with his dad. He’d read an article then a book about n*********s, he said he thinks his father is actually disordered as he isn’t capable of a rational conversation. These men are utterly selfish and don’t care about the destruction they leave in their wake. If they were good men, good fathers we would be with them still. They aren’t going to become a better father because we’ve split, they just have no reason to even bother pretending they are interested. Mine controls me through the kids. He will only see them when it suits him and even then only if I’m at work. Said he’s not having the kids while I go out “w*****g”. This was after he found out I went to the cinema one evening after work while they were at his. I was on my own, wasn’t sleeping well so thought I’d catch a movie. Someone saw me and that was enough to enrage him. So yes, this does happen. If there is nothing to be gained for them then they aren’t interested. I’m currently trying to go through mediation to get access in writing. He insisted it be “shared” in our divorce, what he really meant was he was having none of it. My younger children still want to see their dad and get very upset at his screaming tantrums about how he won’t put up with having to see them every week, it’s excessive apparently. Unbelievable. They don’t deserve their kids. My advice would be if he’s giving you peace and you are managing then let him go. Having a father they know doesn’t care for them is worse than one not there at all. Then they can pretend there’s another reason other than dad choosing not to see me. X*x

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

U not alone, my ex too chooses not to see the children , yet says tot he world he misses them and i took them away from him, he doesnt see how he emotional abuses them as wrong, it does hurt my kids but i think in time they saw how they dad was at fault and has money to pay for drink but not provide for them, my ex so call ed excuse is well u went with your mum so let her deal with u . Stay strong hun, the children are better of without them if that is their attidue, i too at beginign encouraged them to keep a relationship with their dad, the ex just used it as an opportunity to chat with me and abuse kids, protect your kids and take it as a blessing

[Bubblegum]

Thank you for sharing your experiences ladies .It dosnt matter how many times they have chances to prove themselves etc it gets thrown back in your face .Then they make out it’s all your fault .I spent many years trying I know deep down Ive tried everything when it comes to my kids seeing there Dad .Looking back I was just functioning I wasn’t actually living for me and my kids .Its only been few months can’t describe how nice life can be and that feeling of peace niceness .Then split second reality kicks in realise my Ex has missed out so much with his kids growing up .I feel Ive wasted so much time effort on my Ex and his needs .Hope I can make up for lost time .Prove myself and my kids were going to be just fine .

[Bubblegum]

Also between Myself family friends have spoken to our kids regarding there father .Have always asked them what they want to do what makes them comfortable .Maybe deep down they would like to see there Dad what child wouldn’t but sadly the way things are with there Dad safety well being is main comcern .

[KIP.]

Hey Bubblegum, I think your are doing a fantastic job. You’ve now realised that all the effort you have put in, all the second chances you gave him, just won’t work. Time for you to take control, which you seem to be doing, taking the advice of the police and women’s aid. The door is always open for him if he wants to see his children. That door is the legal system. Sadly, we cannot change these abusers and at least your kids have strong support in you and your family. You know him best of all so trust your gut. Time to cut him out your life and the unhappiness and dysfunction he brings.

[Bubblegum]

Thank you Kip Older lady .Its bad enough when you have not got children in abusive relationship but as most of us will probably know when we have children with these men abuse still goes on long after you have split up .My personal experience it’s been very hard going when it comes to my children .Every decision Ive had to make has been thought through properly before Ive taken action .One main reasons we split up he smashed up family home causing xxxxx pounds worth damage it was something out horror film .After that he should of gone straight to the courts to see his kids but like we have all done I gave him chance after chance over years to see his kids .Looking back I gave him to many chances but I did it as I still loved him and wanting him and his kids to see each other bit like with everything else he abused my trust over over again .Sounds Awful but I’m at a A stage where I’m to frightened to trust any man fully .

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