Dating being affected

[Cat24]

Anyone else tried to date after DV to find many men run when they find out your a DV survivor ?

Just finding that as soon as they find out who my ex is if they ask they disappear. Or they say they don’t want that drama even though I left him (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago.   Feels like he has control still . However women seem to know what he does and he has a pick of who he likes.

[Lisa]

Hello Cat24,

I just wanted to offer some support on your post this evening. It must be disheartening and frustrating to get this type of response when disclosing your experience of abuse.

However, perhaps one way to look at this could be that it is a good filter for those who are not worth pursuing a relationship with. The right person will have empathy and be supportive about your experience and will not be intimidated or put off by the fact that you are a survivor of abuse.

I’m sure other users will be able to offer support around this too.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Cat24]

So update

I’m.so glad that dating was affected because I wasn’t ready at all looking back lol it would have been a huge mistake

I get asked now but still don’t want to. I realised I needed me time and to fight against this instant reaction or urge to have a man in my life to fill some void. I now don’t even think about dating or anything else and I don’t miss it or want it.

And it’s been peaceful . Mostly my mind has been peaceful and it’s settled. And I’m not being so hard on myself about silly stuff like I was with him I.e my car needs cleaning from just road dust in the past I’d get really stressed as he loved everything spotless or he would make constant comments that ruined the day.  Now I am not bothered. I do it when I do it and there isn’t this huge pressure to be always spotless everywhere all the time . This feeling of not being good enough has almost gone .

 

[bluebird28]

i agree with Lisa, if someone can`t be compassionate and understanding then they are no the person for  you, You/we need understanding people who will be there and support us after what we haev been through, i understand them being worried but why should we /you be punished, best off out of it x good luck there will be someone right out there, worth waiting for that special person to come along

[Eyeswideopen]

100% the right guy for you will understand and try support you. It is a burden and I was always upfront about it as sadly it’s not something I can change and lingering drama is out of my control. Don’t give up, there are good men around and you know now which red flags to look out for x*x

[Cat24]

Thank you. I’m not bothered though about finding a partner I have everything I want and life has been amazing . Maybe if someone pops into my life unexpectedly but it’s not something I feel I need to pursue or interested in now.

I think i got bit trapped in a psychological cycle because he met someone i felt left behind and i should also be …but that would have been a msiatake as healing oneself and pursueing ones own goals and self love was paramount . But yes I agree the right one would be supportive. But I’m happy single and living my best life right now .

[StrongLife]

I have told one – it seemed he did not believe me – just by his actions. It was off putting. I have not yet had further men that I have told as that guy was not good and started with red flags within (timeframe removed by Moderator)  in his weird actions.

[Author]

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