dating – seeking new relationship – when to tell

[spiritedaway]

I have decided to take the leap into dating as feel the need to explore a world outside of a group of friends who now see me in the context of the trauma and being a victim and needing taken care of.  I don’t think it is helping my confidence and path forward.

I’ve been enjoying talking to some guys on line and have a coffee date lined up.

Now I’m not wanting to lead with my trauma, let alone all the details, clearly its for me to share what and when I am comfortable to.  But at what point is it good to share something to help explain the context of certain behaviours that I have to keep me safe and calm.  I want to wait till there is a connection of some sort, but also don’t want to drop a bombshell on someone when we’re already very invested.

Does anyone have any thoughts or personal experience?

[Texas]

Hiya

My advice would be not to share too much upfront until you know the person is trustworthy.  As we all probably know, there are some bad apples out there who prey on the vulnerability of others.  I would probably just mention you have had a challenging time lately so would like to take things slowly, and leave it there.  Anyone worth knowing will go at your pace and respect your boundaries.

Maybe you may find it less pressurised if you approach as making new friends and if anything develops it’s  a bonus?

[spiritedaway]

Hi Texas – thank you that’s exactly the kind of reassurance I needed, just keep it simple and see what happens.

[Texas]

No worries, and most of all, trust yourself and your instincts.  If sometimes feels off, pay attention.

[Author]

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