Debt

[she-ra]

Hi lovelies,

Still in my situation but the financial side is really getting on top of me now. All debts in my name (of course!) amounting to a 5 figure sum. I work full time and have a good job but it’s just killing me making all the monthly repayments and paying for all of the bills he literally pays for nothing. If I run out of food he’ll go and take it from his mum as opposed to buy any. I’ve spoken to citizens advice and very limited options none of which I can see working very well. Just occurred to me if it’s due to financial abuse is there anything I can do? Thanks x*x

[Falling Skys]

Hi

Mine would spend all my money and run up debts in my name.

In the end I took a loan out to make the debts manageable. But at the same time I blamed myself for the situation and separated accounts so we could control them. He bought the food and I paid the bills. I payed the bills so I knew that he wasn’t running up debts that way.

If he gets into debt with his account then it’s his name and his problem.

I hope this helps and you can break his spending cycle.

Fs x

[she-ra]

Hi Fs,
Thanks so much for your reply. The debts are all non-priority credit cards and overdraft. My credit rating is shocking due to missing payments etc. He refuses to pay for anything, I’ve said today that I will need him to contribute to the rent this month, there’s no way I’m going to be able to pay it. He point blanked refused, so far as getting my pay slip out and telling me I earn more than enough and I just can’t manage money properly etc etc. It would be great to get a loan to pay it all off and just pay that but there’s no way I’ll get one, like I said my credit rating is awful. Thanks so much for your advice. xxxx

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi She Ra, I recently heard there is a debt charity, I googled it and ‘debt supportline’ came up, could you try them and see what they say? (There might be others too but this is the one I’ve found so far). I need to figure out a way to support myself financially so am going to ring them myself this week. I think they help you create budgets and financial plans to get out of financial difficulty so I’m sure they could help. Don’t give up.

[she-ra]

Thank you sunshine rainflower, I will google them. I have been to citizens advice and they’ve given me a few options but I didn’t speak about the abuse at all, just the debt. The options are pretty scary and I’m a bit worried as we’re still stuck in this awful cycle and he’s still here I’m not sure what the options would be if he wasn’t etc. It’s so confusing and hard, but it’s just getting unmanageable now and it’s just like being stuck in limbo. I can’t rent somewhere independently as my credit rating is bad and I haven’t got the money for the references etc.x*x

[KIP.]

Financial abuse is illegal. Try ringing 101 for some advice from the police. He’s trapped you with him by cutting off your means of financial independence. Maybe the helpline on here will have more advice. It’s only going to get worse. If you’re married then the debt accrued is joint so be careful he’s not running up huge debts you don’t know about. Overdrafts, credit cards, loans, mortgages etc.

[she-ra]

Thanks KIP, yes we are married, so he regularly tells me how it’s all my fault and don’t expect any help from him etc. I need to manage money better etc. Maybe I’ll try the helpline again. xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi she-ra, i got that from my husband all the time, your debt your problem. I was talking about it the other day to someone, and they said the loveliest thing. “You coped with it, you sorted it, remember how strong youve been. You are a strong lady, no one can take that away from you”.
The ladies i talk to are older and nonjudgemental, though they do say, maybe Next time i see you, youll have left. Sometimes that makes me feel, i have to do it as theyll think less of me. But we can only break the ties that bind, when we are ready to.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi she-ra i ended up getting help thru money advice service. I took a list of all my debtors, they did an income and expenditure list, sent proposals to debtors and gave me a manageable amount to repay. A few companies even wrote rest of debt off after paying so much in for a few years. Debt is awful hanging over you, take control sweetheart, it will also prove to you that you are strong and capable of decision making. Good luck. Dont let him know what youre doing either cos he’ll jyst see money being freed up. Dont get Into any more debt. If he takes any out in your name, go to cab and deny setting it up in the first place, cos really you didnt did you?. Theyll get a lawyer onto it(happened to me,) you dont even need to attend court the lawyer does it all for you.
IWMB 💕

[she-ra]

Thank you for this, I will look into it. x

[NewWings]

Hi There She Ra just came upon your post, I too suffered financial abuse firstly I went to Citizens advice who helped me out but, the last time I was in serious debt as he paid for nothing and I’d been off work on half pay I had no idea who to turn to and WA suggested CAP(Christians Against Poverty). I can honestly say they were amazing, they got in touch with all the various cards etc that I owed money to and helped me set up a way of paying off the debts in 18mths. I can honestly say they were completely wonderful there was no judgement just straight forward advice and practical help. I never thought I could repay these debts let alone in 18mths I was back at work and at times had to use food banks but then you do what you have to do. Hope you get some help soon. Good luck.

[she-ra]

Thanks so much new wings. Can you tell me do you need to be a Christian to use their services? And do you have to be declared bankrupt to reduce your payments to your creditors. Thanks so much x*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi she-ra , you dont need to be christian to use CAP, they are jyst anither place set up to help people,like us. They are so nice and very knowledgeable too. 💕💕

[itmustbemesurely]

my ex went bankrupt, he ran up debt in his name, didn’t tell me to the extent of if until he as petitioned for bankruptcy by the inland revenue….I’m loosing my home but because although we are not together the house was a joint asset – there isn’t anything I can do despite the abuse – financial, verbal, emotional and control – I would do as the other ladies say, most organisations will help as long as you are seen to be doing something and a debt plan is a great idea. Once this is set up, I’d try to save – even if a bare minimum to protect yourself and have an escape. I wish I’d done that, as right now I feel like his taken me down with him at times. You can do it my lovely xxxxxx just got to grab all the help you can x*x

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