Desperate

[Liquorice]

Sad, alone ,lonley, and crying all the time.
This is not better, we are not better off, i miss him, i dont understand why but i do. Im hanging on by a thread and i feel it breaking any minute now.

[Tiffany]

Is there anything that you can do to make yourself feel more cared for? The early weeks away are hell, and the bad times do keep returning albeit less frequently over time. You miss him like smokers miss cigarettes when they give them up. You know he is bad for your health and wellbeing, but it’s hard to break the habit of him being your go to when things are bad.

If you can, try to look after yourself in the way that you want someone else to look after you. I found that really useful. When things felt impossible I asked myself what I would want from my abuser to make me feel better (love bombing basically). And I would want someone to run me a bath, or order me pizza, or tell me I was beautiful. And I had to remind myself that he probably wouldn’t have done whatever I would have asked for anyway, and then I did it for myself. And ok, it was harder that some guardian angel coming and doing it for me, but it was much easier than dealing with my abuser!

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Liquorice,💞 I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely. These feelings will and do pass, each time they raise their ugly heads and we don’t do anything about it makes us that little bit stronger. Have you read back how you felt living with him. Some of the ladies posts on here have reminded me just why I had to leave. I’m tired of being around him, feeling I still can’t break away until I get my own place,afraid if I stop seeing him altogether, he’ll come to where I’m living and I’ll have to involve the police. I don’t know how I’d feel about my oh if I still loved him, was in love with him. Have you recently left? I can’t remember if you left before or after me.It’s like withdrawing from drugs. I remember in the early days and weeks that I would feel that bit calmer once I’d seen him,but the next day I’d be all shaky, feel sick and have such headaches. Yes I’ve thought about going back, but those thoughts are fleeting, and I no longer think it’s ever an option now. I know he hasn’t and won’t change. The way I feel sick to my stomach after I’ve told him yet again that I’m not going back to him, that I’m not sure we could even be friends as he’d constantly be asking when I’m coming back, how he misses me so much. There is always an undercurrent, always that feeling in the back of your head that he’ll show his true colours again. It may take a week or 3 or more but why you left will always resurface. No one will judge to sweetheart, try and ride it out.
IWMB 💞💞

[Liquorice]

Thankyou both, last night was hard but i managed to not contact him, today i feel exhausted, with a headache and i cant make the simplest decisions about things like getting dressed or what to eat so im just sat here

[Tiffany]

Well done. No contact makes such a difference in the long run. And doing nothing is a valid life choice. You need a break, and your body is finally giving you one. I got a colouring book in my early days out, and whenever I didn’t know what to do I would get some pencils out and do some colouring. I found having something to do with my hands stopped my brain running in circles. I also listened to a lot of audiobooks.

[Escapee]

Hang in there Liquorice. I promise it does get easier as time passes.

It’s so awful when you’re clinging on for dear life. I think it’s safe to say we all know how you feel.

So what if you don’t get dressed today, tomorrow is a new day.

I’ve called the Samaritans when I have felt like I couldn’t go on and they really helped me through my darkest hours.

It gets better little by little; as the other ladies are always reminding us…..baby steps.

X*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Liquorice, I’d always have a migraine after having anything to do With him. Would wake up lousy,lost, not knowing what to do with myself. Distract yourself. In the beginning I’d just run a bubble bath, I’ve not had so many baths in my life. Colouring in is a good idea, it was about all I could do. I couldn’t come on here, found it all too triggering. I promise it does get better, from going for days at a time feeling so low, now it’s just now and again and it doesn’t last more than a fleeting moment. These feelings are normal, it’s the body’s way of getting rid of the connection to him.
I’d remind myself that by this time tomorrow I’d be okay.
Remember it’s okay to not be okay.
IWMB 💞💞

[Liquorice]

💕

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