Did he ever really love me?

[Sunshine 2022]

Hi everyone
This is my first post.
I met my husband overseas where we were both working.
It took endless months of documents to get him to the UK.
Looking back I can see that possibly things were never that good between us but I seemed to be on a path of no return. He came to UK, we got married (removed by moderator) and slowly things have got worse.

Silent treatment, damaging my (removed by moderator), hitting my phone out of my hand…the list goes on.

He got a caution (removed by moderator). He has been on bail  (removed by moderator) but his bail finished (removed by moderator). He broke his bail within hours as attempted to contact me 100 times so (removed by moderator) he faces an harrassment charge also. I have been informed (removed by moderator). I feel devastated today. Like I’m having a breakdown.

For the past (removed by moderator) he has been trying to convince me that everything will be ok. We were meant to move house together (removed by moderator) but I had to move alone. (Removed by moderator) I informed the home office that we were no longer together.

I am so worried about what’s next. My friends and family believe he will be removed from UK as he is here on a Spouse Visa. Am I normal to still worry about him? I do. I cannot help my feelings.

I’ve been asking myself is this normal behaviour? Is it abuse? Why? We had a bright future. Was it just a visa he wanted and he can no longer keep up the charm? I feel betrayed. Was I completely blind? How could I be so stupid? Will I ever be normal again?

My mind is in pieces.

xx

[Anonymous]

Please speak to your gp as soon as as the feelings of having a breakdown could be post traumatic stress disorder or the separation of the trauma bond, you have every right to any feelings you have they are yours to own, we can’t answer if he ever really loved you cos we’re not him, only he can answer that, and the fact he was abusive means you won’t get a straight answer (they are nightmares to get any straightness from) it’s 💯 “your” healing time now and support for you is very much needed so give women’s aid a ring (you’ll most probably need counselling also, your gp or women’s aid can help you find one) but know that everything your feeling and experiencing is completely normal for what you’ve been through 🤗😗💕

[Sunshine 2022]

Thank You Auriel
I did contact my GP today. He was very supportive. I am waiting for counselling but may have to go private as the wait is long.

Feel completely damaged and realised today that I need to rest more and try my best to look after myself.

X*x

[Anonymous]

Do everything you can it’s a challenge to say the least and try not to pity him (he didn’t pity you when he abused you) the future was never gonna be bright with him read back what kind of man he is (he’s already been in police custody and stalkers and harassers are boundary violators let’s hop he does go back then you can heal (try to) with out the stress of him, you care because you are different your not an abuser, we’ve all cared and worried about our abusers, I even felt bad when reporting one for harassment and disgusting derogatory filthy text messages cos I felt bad about getting someone in trouble! now my mind is cleared I’m not thinking his responsibility “he” got hisself into trouble “I” was the one being abused (I didn’t leave my house for months later I became full on agoraphobia (and still suffer with slightly to this day!) now I have ptsd but I’m eventually healing and you will too but it’s early and raw with you still but your getting help and that’s the main thing please don’t let him back “ever” 💗💞💗

[Mellow]

From experience once they are here they are here despite you telling home office to get them out requires lots of investigation he may well go back but it takes a while to get paperwork done I’ve still got someone harassing me now from years ago.if he is a narc they don’t love they use

[roadtohealing]

Hi Sunshine 2022,

I’m sorry you are having such a horrid day, and I hope things will get better for you soon.

I am afraid to say that if he is so abusive this early on in the relationship then trust me it will only get worse further down the line, and that’s coming from someone who has wasted their best years of their life on someone who never changed for the better, he only got worse as the years went on.

The best thing that can happen here for you is for him to be removed from the UK, you deserve better, get your counselling therapy and take care yourself and not him. Once those years have gone, they are gone for good, you’ll never get them back, life is too short and precious to be wasting years on those that don’t value you.

Take care x

[Author]

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