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(detail removed by moderator) ago I told my partner I wanted to break up. I spent a whole month trying to break the cycle and telling him it was over. During that time I faced emotional, manipulative abuse and almost harassment he was sending me lengthy messages and pictures one after another. It was then (detail removed by moderator) and things happened and we got closer again etc. I still was keeping him at arms length, he has been sleeping on the sofa for (detail removed by moderator) now. I never hug him or kiss him etc. But sometimes you just need that connection. All the time feeling like you don’t know what way is up. I was so sure I wanted to break up but since then he has been perfect and not really put a foot wrong. He hasn’t behaved half the way he used to and it’s really confusing me. I feel like I cannot get passed everything he’s put me through but he’s just bought me a new (detail removed by moderator), friends coming over for (detail removed by moderator) and we have planned to go to a big (detail removed by moderator) (it was already booked prior to all this) I know if I tell him I want to end things again I will face similar and he will use all the things above mentioned against me. I know the (detail removed by moderator) in the summer will prove a huge barrier and will be another tactic to work his way back in. I have no money saved up so cannot just leave and I know he won’t leave either so I really need something sorted in place before I tell him I’m going. Have 2 young children together. Most days we get on fine but in my heart I still feel so disconnected from him and not in love. I just don’t know how to get my strength back!
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Hello fellow banana, I wondered how you were doing. Unfortunately once they show that nasty side and we recognise their abuse it’s near impossible to unsee it and trust them. It sounds like he’s in the ‘nice’ part of the cycle as it’s working to keep you there, but like you say you know that that mask will slip if you go against his wishes. It’s no way to live lovely, and whilst it’s not easy getting out, it’s worth it. Look into FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) too, it’s very real and kept me trapped longer than it should’ve done.
I can’t remember if you own or rent, but I rented, joint tenancy and both were still in same property but I explained my situation to my local council and got classed as being at risk of homelessness. At least if you could do this then you can bid on homes and get yourself sorted before telling him.
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