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Mine didn’t.
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I don’t know if mine did.
Sometimes he would describe for hours on end what he would be doing with other women. Some of the descriptions he gave were just so harmful to me. He would often demand that I imagine him f***ing other women and then tell me what positions etc.
And then other times he would proudly proclaim that he has never cheated in all his life.
And no matter which version he would give on any given day, he always demanded that I believe him. The amount of times where he would shout at me “Just believe me!!”, I don’t even know which side was real and which wasn’t. He could be screaming at me to believe him when he would be telling me that he was having sex with his colleagues and he would be screaming at me to believe him when he would say he never cheated. I made the mistake a few times to say that it wasn’t possible to believe two conflicting statements as one must be false. It always ended up with bruises whenever I did that, so in the end I just resorted to say as flatly as possible “I believe you”. As it turns out that wasn’t the right thing to say either 🙁
I’ve come to realise it doesn’t matter if he cheated or not. What matters is that he wanted to hurt me with it and he did.
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I would say yes, they may not cheat with another live person, but how many of them go onto online porn sites and deny point blank they don’t, yet their Google history says otherwise, then they say that they’re pop ups, 🤣🤣🤣🤣. How many of them triangulate you with another person/people. making out how so and so thinks they’re wonderful, how lucky you are to have them. All designed to make you jealous. fortunately my oh no longer has that affect on me. I left him (detail removed by moderator) months ago. He may not have been with anyone else but he’s been onto porn sites, swears I’m the only woman he wants to see naked, make love to(it’s always make love to, whereas when I was with him, it’d be sex, fu…ng,sha…ng, always wanting anal) now he’s not getting me at all, he’s worse he talks about it everytime we speak which is fewer and far between. My last time with him ended up having sex against my needs/wishes,did it to shut him up, so i no longer see him sexually attractive at all now. My leaving him was the best thing i did, lessening contact has been a gradual process only because after going no contact we ‘bumped’ into each other the day after I’d left. He came into a relatives house, something he’d never done before, but I think he knew I was there even though I’d hidden my car. Even if they don’t cheat on you with someone else, they may move on very quickly afterwards. Maybe I’ve just become even more cynical. Who knows
IWMB 💞💞 -
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I don’t know if mine did or didn’t – he had a couple of girls he me on dating sites, while we were together who he was in regular contact with, who he told me were “just friends”. Who he met on a dating site. So my suspicion is yes, probably cheating. But on the other hand they could have been entirely made up constructs designed to make me jealous. I never met them. He just texted them endlessly – although I was never allowed to look at his phone, so who knows who he was texting. In the end, I got out without any STD’s, and honestly I don’t care. He was a total lowlife, whether or not he was cheating on me.
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Mine did; 3 I know of, so I know there will be more. We had a long break and like an idiot I put this down to us being young, went back thinking we have matured and maybe now ready for an adult realtionship – and it’s been b****y dreadful ever since, a relationship I cant shake off because we have a child. Strongly suspect he did second time around but no real evidence, owing to him keeping me in a box, knowing now he is a compulsive liar and will always please himself everytime. His friends kind of gave off those vibes as well, like poor cow has no idea does she, like I wasn’t an equal or a match; all of his freinds cheated on their wives and girlfriends and they just used to find it funny. I was also never permitted to go out with him and on the very odd occassion I did go I never really felt comfortble with his friends, like they were all on best behaviour and waiting for me to go; call me para but that’s how I felt. Today I know that my suspicions were probably right. He’s very good and keeping secrets, keeping quiet, no conscience, and lies roll off his tongue even when there is no need to lie?!?
I think if there is a pattern in his behaviour that tells you he will always please himself and do what he likes then you know he will do the same when not with you, only this will be amplified. I can see so clearly now that I was just one person that gets him quite a bit of what he wants and needs, enough to try and keep because I made his life cushioned / a lot easier, but I can see he takes the view he can use others too whenever this is presented to him / what she doesn’t know I can have or do – the thing here is to not get caught; they will always deny it as well, as they don’t consider what it does to your head at all, all they are thinking is if she finds out I risk losing her and my cushion xx
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I think when I was with him I confused my loyalty for his loyalty, I projected my loyalty onto him – felt because I am he is too, might sound mad now but that’s what I did, this mixed with the hope he would never do that to me becasue I wanted to belive what we had was the real thing so he wouldnt risk that would he – I created a false state / wasn’t living in reality or respondng to my thoughts and feelings, any suspicion I did have I put it out of my head; classic ostrich / denial. Denial always amazes me, it’s very powerful x
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i did this – i didnt think for one mimite he would cheat but he did all along. if you look at the integrity off these men id say theres a high percentage cheat and triangulate. its like water off a ducks back because i do beleive these men have and are only capable off very self serving and superficial relationships. with anyone even their parents and kids. they lack morality xxxx im soo glad we ladies are not like this i like to pride myself the most on my sense off integrity it has to b said! and for you ladies too in my opinion ! xxxx
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I would’ve answered no mine didn’t cheat. But there is no way to be sure is there?
When he mentioned other women, his ex in particular -who according to him bordered on nymphomania and did everything- I was mostly impressed perhaps even intimidated by his tales. I didn’t think myself capable of ever reaching her sexual drive or experience, therefore thought it best to submit to and acknowledge the power of this sexual goddess. I let him own his sexual freedom and granted him permission to have sex with her so he can satisfy his desires. Under the condition he had protected relations.
He considered it but I don’t think he ever went through with it. He told me he ultimately didn’t.He went on regular business trips with plenty of opportunities to cheat I’m sure. But he always sent through his flight details & travel itinerary never deviating from his schedule and contacting me often.
I conclude he didn’t cheat due to lack of time. But then maybe there is still some naivety in me believing he is the greatest and unable to see what he might have done.Towards the last couple of years of our relationship he didn’t touch me anymore and my family was suggesting he might have had an affair with someone. But my reasoning was if he had, he would have been a least happy and not lashing out his constant anger and misery at me.
Now I am sure of having been triangulated from the start with his ex later with other women he admired and fancied, amongst which a couple of friends of mine. He might have not been cheating but surely played uncaringly with seduction and jealousy.
Lol DIYmum, rightly be proud of your integrity 😊
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He cheated with emotional affairs. Whether they became physical I don’t know. He told me these women, that he’d met after we married, were his ‘best friends’ He could talk to them about anything and they understood him. They were one at a time, so I’m guessing the first one eventually got sick of him and cast him off.
He claimed not to understand why that upset me, as we were husband and wife, not ‘friends’. He would discuss life changing things like resigning from his job (when he had one), with them first and present their decision to me as a fait accompli.
I think I would have been more ok with a just sexual affair. Which is probably why he did it that way instead.
Through research since I now recognize the triangulation and spare supply.
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I don’t know. He was always talking to other girls, generally texting them whilst I was sitting right next to him (I mean, who does that?!). Discussing really deep emotional stuff with them, talking with them in a way he never did with me. But I don’t think he cheated. There was once that I suspected it and I confronted him but he flipped it back on me and turned on the tears and the temper and the sob story about an ex who’d cheated on him.
I was regularly told about other girls who were wonderful and faultless and fairly regularly compared to them and found wanting. Both girls I knew and ones I didn’t. I think it was largely done to hurt me or pressure/bully/manipulate/emotionally blackmail me in to sexual activity I didn’t want. But I just don’t know. I never confronted him after the first time because I just didn’t have the energy for his overbearing emotional wreckage and temper tantrums.
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