Do I go to the police before or after I leave?

[unicorn123]

Looking for some advice on reporting DA & coercive control to the police…

I want to leave my husband but the logistics are difficult as we have a (number removed by Moderator) year old daughter and my support network is over 100 miles away.

I want to take her to my mum’s and limit his contact as much as I can, but I know he’ll make it as difficult as possible.

Will reporting him to the police help me further along the line, when he inevitably tries to play the victim and destroy me in court?

I have evidence in the form of photos of property damage and audio recordings of him verbally abusing me (sometimes in front of our daughter), threatening me with violence, and admitting to breaking doors down and shaking/kicking me awake in the middle of the night.

Do I fill in the online form? What I don’t want is for them to show up and interview/arrest him now, because this could make things even more difficult for me…

Or do I wait until after I’ve left?

These incidents all happened (timeframe removed by Moderator). Any advice/experiences welcome. Thank you.

[Tian]

Hi unicorn123,

I am so sorry you are going through this.

First of all this isn’t advice just what I did fwiw.

I was advised by a friend to ring the police on (number removed by Moderator), report everything and get an incident number, while things are still relatively calm. Because these cases can escalate VERY quickly and when you need to phone 999 you may not have time to fill the responder in on the background. If you can say “re incident no x, s**t has just got real, he’s screaming at me and I’m very scared” then they can look it up and go “oh yeah, do this NOW”.

I did follow my friend’s advice and am very grateful I did.

Stay strong and take good care of yourself, you deserve it xx

[Lisa]

Hi all,

Just to say, I have removed the number given in this post as it’s not one I’m aware of for the police and I wouldn’t want it to risk giving away Tian’s location, but the nationwide non-emergency police number for the UK is 101.

Best wishes,
Lisa

[Newbeginnings123]

Contact the police I did that and they went and arrested him, and while he was at the station they let me take my personal belongings. Then go to a solicitor and to arrange for access for your daughter near to your mum.

you need the support of your mum, and once you make the first step you will start to heal and time is a healer.

so sorry to hear your going through this it’s hard, stay strong and look after yourself and you will be happy again in time as you deserve happiness xx

[InShock]

hey NewBeginnings, can I ask how much time did you have to take your belongings? My belongings is still in the house but my abuser lives there. I haven’t been able to get them since I ran away and police haven’t helped me. It hurts so much. It’s also my own house.

[Newbeginnings123]

Hi unicorn123, I was only given 20 minutes I just took what he had already put in black bags. I lost so many things my children’s items from when they were babies and pictures. All the furniture was mine but I couldn’t take it. It was very hard and we had to start over again. It took a lot of time and healing but at least now when I look around my house it is all mine which I worked hard to get. It does help, but you will come out stronger and happier in time x

[InShock]

Yes that’s difficult..well done for getting out.. yes, lots of my child’s items are there , and my own childhood things which I had saved to give my child.
Can I ask is he in contact with your child? How are you coping ? I’m feeling scared as I don’t know what to expect.

 

 

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